I tend to over analyze. I am really good at it. I'm actually starting to wonder why no one has offered to pay me yet, because I'm that good. But even though most days it seems like I might actually be certifiably crazy, every now and then I have a moment of clarity, and today I had one.
I've been AGONIZING a whole lot lately about the state of Tommy's naps, and going over and over in my head what I am doing wrong, what I could be doing differently, and whether or not it will always be like this. I've been manically texting my mom who probably thinks I'm having a nervous breakdown. And then it dawned on me... I was doing this exact same thing a few days ago about something entirely different.
Don't get it twisted...I'm not nuts like this all day long, I'm just really tired at the moment. But I realized that if it wasn't this, it would be something else...and with a baby there will always be something.
Every day for them is new. They are constantly learning, and changing, and growing and it must be scary to always be experiencing things for what might seem like the first time. It's insane for me to expect him to "get his act together" and then stay the same and stop changing so fast! I don't actually want him to stop changing, because I love watching him grow and learn new things. It's so thrilling to watch him do something for the first time, and to see him find joy so easily in the things around him. But part of experiencing this right along with him is being able to roll with the punches when his routine, or preferences or behaviors suddenly change.
My mom says "babies are in a constant state of flux." It's so true. So you have to appreciate the little things when they do happen. You have to just appreciate the good nights sleep that you got, because tonight he might be up all night sprouting a new tooth. You just never know.
I don't think I'm the only parent out there who over analyzes everything. In fact I know I'm not. In some ways its really unfortunate that we live in a world where information is so readily available, because as parents we are inundated with information about developmental milestones, and are overloaded with other people's opinions of what your baby 'should' be doing at a certain age etc. It's so easy so stress that your baby is behind the curve, or not doing as well as someone elses baby. But these babies are little people! Little individuals with their own budding ideas about life and the world around them. One is so different from the next.
So tonight I am rejoicing and praying lots of prayers of thanksgiving for the wonderful little man that God gave me. So quick to smile and laugh, energetic and funny, full of life. Today is nearly over, and God willing we will all get a good night of rest. But tomorrow is a new day, and who knows what will happen? I'm hoping as time goes on I'll be able to stop putting so much pressure on myself, and on Tom, and just be able to enjoy this wonderful life we have, with a little less stressing, and a lot more going with the flow.