Monday, October 22, 2012
Marriage...its not easy
Marriage. Lately I have been learning a lot. It might be because everyone in our little family is sick right now, and none of us have been getting much sleep, but I feel as though I have been much more on edge lately than I usually am. I knew before I got married that marriage would be a humbling thing, a refining thing. I knew it in the way that I know that skydiving is a rush-I hadn't experienced it, but it just made sense that it would be. But actually being married is a totally different thing. The opportunities to humble ourselves become so real that it actually hurts. And I've learned that I am so much more prideful and stubborn than I thought. Why is it that we are more likely to hurt the people we love the most than anyone else? I love my husband so dearly, but that does not keep me from snapping at him early in the morning, or blaming him for starting an argument when later I realize that it was ME! I cherish my marriage. There is no one that I have more fun with, that I am more myself with, that I share more of my life with, that I have a deeper connection with than my husband. If I am proud, it is because of something he has done, and when things aren't going well for him, my heart aches. Our marriage is a thing of beauty, and brings me so much joy every day. But my humanity, and my sinfulness hits me like a ton of bricks when I find myself nagging at him, or criticizing, or snipping, or griping. Why is it so hard for me to step back and take my time instead of letting my emotions run wild? And why does it take so long for me to humble myself and ask for forgiveness when I've said or done something that I shouldn't have? The truth is, no marriage is perfect, and it is just these little instances of extreme tiredness, and frustration with each other that give us the opportunity to REALLY love one another. I find myself in awe of couples that have been married for 25, 30, 50 years, not because their marriages have been perfect, but because they have been refined, time-tested, and they have come out the other side stronger, with a love for each other that has only grown over time because it was chosen every day. And not only every day, but every moment. Every time we have an argument that ends in a hug and a kiss, instead of going to bed angry, our love is strengthened, and deepened. Every time we turn right around after saying something hurtful, to say 'I'm sorry'. When the words 'I love you' are repeated daily, not just once, but over and over again. The love in a marriage can only grow, in my opinion. I never did understand when people said that they simply did not love their spouse anymore. This is not something that just happens-it happens when you stop choosing the love that God gifted to you in the form of your better half. And so we have to choose every moment to humble ourselves, to race to ask for forgiveness instead of waiting, or keeping the other person on the line. Keep serving each other in every little way that we can think of without expectation of something in return, but just for the sake of serving the other. Marriage is not easy-it never is. But did we expect the path to heaven to be easy? Dear husband, if you are reading this...I love you. Let's go to heaven.