Thursday, May 20, 2010

I have joined the long defeat
that falling set in motion
all my strength and energy
are raindrops in the ocean

so conditioned for the win
to share in victor's stories
but in the place of ambition's din
I've heard of other glories

I pray for an idea
and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave

I can't just fight when I think I'll win
that's the end of all belief
and nothing has provoked it more
than a possible defeat

I pray for an idea
and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave

We walk a while we sit and rest
we lay it on the altar
I won't pretend to know what's next
but what I have I've offered

I pray for a vision
and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave

I pray for inspiration
and a way I cannot see
It's too heavy to carry
and impossible to leave

......

Graduating college...It hasn't been a week and I already feel the sacrifices that are going to come with this next year...with this life i guess. Dying to self is going to be a big part of this next year for me. It will be for a lot of people. I can't say that I am entirely ready, but I am trying to prepare myself. In many ways it's easy to feel defeated before we begin fighting. We can sit and dwell on all of the difficulties of our situation, and we can evaluate every bad scenario that our imagination can come up with. We think we have an idea of what things will be like now. But in reality, it will probably be more difficult, more beautiful and more fruitful than we can imagine, if God has His way. I say more difficult, because from our perspective it might be. For me personally, i am going to be separated from everyone that I love, and God will be calling me to learn to love new people, to devote all of my energy to a cause that I have yet to completely understand. I am jumping blindly into this next year in a lot of ways. Being away from Patrick is also going to be a big struggle. Knowing that we are walking into this year almost positive that we won't be seeing each other until the year is over, and that we will have very limited communication with each other isn't exactly exciting, but the reality is that our view of situations is very limited. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that our perspective is very limited. All that we know of love, and of this world will one day pass away...the imperfect will step aside to make way for the perfect. Right now we may feel defeated...there are going to be times when we feel as though every ounce of strength and energy we have have evaporated. There will be days for me I know, when i yearn to be close to the people that I love. There will be frustrations, and struggles...yes. But do we look at these situations as trial or as opportunity? Every difficult situation, and struggle is an opportunity for an offering to God. The gift of being away from Patrick will be that I have something very tangible to offer to God every single day. The gift of being away from family and friends next year is an opportunity to pour out all of my love to the people that I am surrounded with, whether i know them or not. Self sacrifice, and a selfless focus on the needs of others is essential to any ministry, to any vocation...really to any life. Like this song says, i won't pretend to know what's next, but what i have i offer. Unlike God, we cannot see around every corner. The burdens that we carry are sometimes too heavy, yes...but only if we allow ourselves to believe for a second that we carry them alone.

1 comment:

Afro John said...

Don't worry too much about it all Melissa, things will just work out for the best. Keep in mind above all else this one thing: love wins. There's no need to feel defeated because we know that love wins.