This morning i got up to pray, and i went into the chapel to say a rosary, and i was thinking of some of the things i read in Mere Christianity, which i just finished, about giving ourselves entirely to God, and how If you open yourself to His work in you, and allow Him to take who you are, He is going to change you. There is no doubt. He said that he would transform us completely, and He isn't going to go back on his word. I know this might sound obvious, and i guess it is, but I always pray that i can become more like Christ, and like Mary and just say yes to wherever he is calling me, and that i can give up my dreams and my desires, and i realized today that giving those things up literally means letting them go completely, and not having them anymore...being ready for absolutely anything that God leads you to...and not having some ulterior motive in the back of your mind for what you want your life to be like. To give something up, you can't just pray for God's will to be done, all the while hoping that His will and your will are the same. You have to give it up...for real. If you ask God to come into your heart, and rebuild and reshape you, you need to be ready for confusion and pain before He has finally formed you into what he wants you to be. Because he isn't going to just come into your house and redecorate, he is going to knock the place down, and build something new. You will be ruined. I have to be honest, it scared me a little bit. New thoughts started entering my mind...things i wasn't ready for. I guess i didn't expect it to happen so fast. But if you really truly ask Him to come into your heart and change you...If you mean it....get ready for it to really happen. I'm not saying that i came to some crazy new conclusion, or found an answer to one of the many searching questions that I've had for so long..but i got a tiny, tiny glimpse of what He could do. What i need to do now is pray for peace. There is no fear in Love...We have nothing to be afraid of when it comes to giving our lives to Christ. That isn't to say that it won't be painful, and hard, and that it won't hurt. We just don't need to be afraid.
There's a reason that 'Be not afraid' is in the Bible so many times.
We need to move forward, fearless, and joyful no matter what happens, no matter how many rooms in our hearts we have to watch collapse. We will be rebuilt. We just have to choose Him, now.