Thursday, April 10, 2008

This is me

This is me on my knees singing take it all from me, take it all
Speak to my needs, my needs take it all from me, take it all
This is me
Ever noticed how the need to be accepted by people takes such precedence over well....most everything else sometimes? I just want to be honest for a second about what it is that we want.
We want to be who we are, and do what we do best, and put everything that we have into just being the most authentic version of ourselves, and have people accept it. Say..."You're different from me, but i respect you." I don't want to hold anything back for fear of what other people might think. I want to be honest about the things i like about myself. For a second i want to just be who i am, and acknowledge, without being vain, the fact that i like that. It's taken me such a long time to get to this point. So many years spent looking in the mirror and just groaning. I don't want to just "deal with it"anymore. I want to love myself. And you know what? I still wake up some mornings not understanding why God made me the way that i am. But he I'm going to face reality. I'm pretty sure that God is sick of me taking his creation for granted, and frankly I'm sick of it too. So...Here's the deal. I love my hands. I love the fact that they look like my mother's and that they can do things like make music and paint, and hold someone else's. I think hands are amazing gifts, and I'm so grateful for mine. I love my imperfect voice. I love the fact that I've become ok with the way that i sound, and the fact that the imperfections just make it more...well, me. I love my tattoo. I love all of the reasons that i got it that no one will ever know. I love the fact that it reminds me every time i look at it not to worry...theres a reason for all of this... who i am is just enough. I love my laugh. I love the fact that it changes just about every week, and sometimes it gets so crazy that i just sound well...crazy. I love the fact that i have curves! Praise God that i can finally say that. I have hips...and that is going to be really great when it comes time to have babies. I love that the fact that simple little things like a chord in a song can bring me to tears, and have an affect on me. Call me sensitive...i am, and that isn't a bad thing. I love my scars. Every scar i have, and i have quite a few, tells a story...sometimes the stories are sad, sometimes they make me look like an idiot, but they are a part of me and i would never wish them away.
What ever happened to being able to look in the mirror, or evaluate our lives and just be happy with who we are...with who we have become because of all we've been through.
I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning and praise God. After all, he doesn't make junk.

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