Thursday, April 3, 2008


All of life is a coming home. Salesmen, secretaries, coal miners, beekeepers, sword swallowers, all of us. All the restless hearts of the world, all trying to find a way home. It's hard to describe what I felt like then. Picture yourself walking for days in the driving snow; you don't even know you're walking in circles. The heaviness of your legs in the drifts, your shouts disappearing into the wind. How small you can feel, and how far away home can be. Home. The dictionary defines it as both a place of origin and a goal or destination.

There are so many times where I just can't seem to figure out where i am heading. I have a series of small goals to meet, but in the process of taking all of these means and measures to get somewhere, i forget where that somewhere is. There is a quote from Garden State that says that maybe being 'home' is being with a group of people who all miss the same imaginary place...or something like that. But I don't think its imaginary. Sometimes i feel so out of sync with the rest of the world, but when i stop to really think about my calling, my goal, my destination, my end...i realize that somehow, inexplicably, we all are moving towards the same thing. Maybe we dont know it, but there is something intangible that links us all, despite the differences that seem to separate us so often. And so who am i to feel lonely? Everything and everyone is a connection, a link to a place that maybe I've only seen or experienced in a different life. Every person i meet has the same longing somewhere inside of them, the same yearning for that place, or that job, or that family that is going to make them feel complete, and as though they've found what they've always been, but never knew, they were looking for. I know that none of this makes any sense...But it's nice to know that I'm not the only one in the world reaching for only God knows what. Living doesn't have to be like dragging myself blindly through a snow storm, although i have to admit that sometimes it feels that way. Yeah...I'm small. I'm just a speck of dust living on a slightly larger spec of dust floating in a sunbeam somewhere in an endless universe. But there is a home...we all came from somewhere, and we're all going somewhere, and knowing that simple fact makes the journey so much more bearable. I'm not the only one searching, and i know that when this intermediate stage of waiting and wishing is over, I wont be alone at home either. Things always come to light.

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