Last night in adoration i was reading Faustina, and Jesus once said to her "I want to live alone in your heart."
I realize that the word alone has a lot of negative connotations. But the more i sat and thought, and meditated on that one word, the more i realized how very many sides there can be to one simple idea.
Of course we can take this phrase at face value. Jesus does not want to share us. God has always been jealous for our hearts. He wants to have the seat of honor in our hearts. He wants to stand above all, inside of us. This is obvious
But while i sat and thought about the word alone, i thought about my own life. There is a period of alone-ness that is very rapidly approaching in my life.
I am about to graduate college, and although i still have no idea what I am going to be doing in the next chapter, let alone the next year, I know that God is calling me to this: To serve Him. To love. And to be alone.
This might seem defeatest, and negative. I don't mean to say that I'm going to remove myself from all of the important relationships in my life.
But as i meditated on this last night i realized something. Yes. this next year will be difficult no matter what i end up doing. I will be far away from a lot of people that i love, and that mean the world to me. I will probably be in a new place, doing something that i've never done before. And if theres one thing that i know for sure about this next year, it's that i need to believe that God is enough to fill all voids. God is enough to defeat my loneliness and fear.
God wants to be alone in my heart. But the word alone here doesn't have the meaning that we usually attribute to it. If he alone is in my heart, he is with me, and I am with Him. In essence, loneliness does not exist, because we are NEVER alone. If i allow God to dwell in my heart, where he desires to be, there will never be a single, solitary moment where i am truly alone. Lonely, maybe. I know that i will miss the people that I have been so blessed to share these years with...maybe i won't be near my family. But God desires my soul. He wants to unite himself with me. I am never alone, though it is God alone who will dwell in my heart.
My fear concerning next year, and my life in general-all my doubt- is nothing. Because i realized that what i fear the most is being on my own. Being apart from those i love and those who support me. In reality, i can be full, and connected to the deepest source of unity, and community there is.
I am never alone. But God wants to be alone in me. He shouldn't have to fight for the place of honor in my heart. And i should be working in every moment to make that dwelling beautiful for Him.
We are never alone, no matter how lonely we may feel. We are never alone, no matter the logic of our situation.
God is with us. What a simple truth, but what an important one as well.
And so my prayer is just this..."You alone, Lord..."
God alone....God alone is. He is all in all. And that's enough.