Monday, January 25, 2010

I would love to move into your house

Tears. Claire always used to say (she probably still does) that tears are a sign of conversion. That never really resonated with me until this past weekend. I hardly ever cry-and when i do cry it takes a lot. Wait...strike that. reverse it. Now that I think about it, I cry a lot at things that most people typically dont cry over-they are usually beautiful things-happy things. A good song, a good book, a good movie. Cheesy things. But when I come to a time that i really need to weep, i can't. These kinds of tears are few and far between for me. I like to appear strong, i like to be the one to comfort, not the one to be comforted- Oh, pride. But this past week, after finding that Megan's dad had died in a car accident, it was like the floodgates opened. I cried for her, i cried for him, for their family, i cried with my roommate Elizabeth on Friday night as we sat and talk about how hard it can sometimes be to love, i cried holding on to the people that i love at the funeral. Tears have welled in my eyes on numerous occasions (a few seconds ago, for instance) over the course of the past few days. It's like all of these tears have just been waiting in the wings for the curtains to go up so that they can seize the opportunity to slip out. During the homily that the priest gave at the funeral on Saturday, he talked about grief, and one thing that really struck me was that he mentioned tears. He said that all tears are good. I heard him, but it didn't click until later that night. I was laying in bed, and Sarah was sitting with me. I was telling her how crazy it was that I had been crying so much lately, as such random times... I told her I couldn't believe it, that I never cry, and as i sat there wondering why, it was as though God breathed the answer right into me. He is softening my heart. It was completely unexpected.
Tears are a sign of conversion....He is working on me. He is working IN me. He is softening my hard heart.
And, oh is it hard. But i am so aware of Him breaking through. It hurts. But it's good.
There is another quote from the sermon at the funeral that has been circulating like wildfire, and this is it- "I think God is looking down on all of us and saying. 'I would love to move into your house.' Now some of us may be weary and not sure if we want Him to yet. And I think God would reply 'That's ok. I will wait. I like what I see."

His unending faithfulness brings such joy to my heart, and the more i let Him in the more i realize that there is no one else for me, none but Jesus.

No comments: