tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80117487111937213532024-02-18T20:54:03.776-08:00I have found the paradox love does not measure, it just gives Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.comBlogger119125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-59987056909271840552015-02-08T12:12:00.000-08:002015-02-08T12:12:37.493-08:00The best gift you can give your child is a sibling You've heard that adage right? It's what I repeated to myself over and over while we anxiously awaited Agnes's arrival. And it's what I cling to almost every second of the day now, hoping desperately that this will prove to be true. You see, things are hard in the Caskey house as of late. My full-of-life, funny, energetic, loving and sharp as a tack two and a half year old is really struggling with loving his little sister, and it is like a pain in my heart. This isn't new either. The first 6 months of her life he mostly ignored her, but once she started crawling and then walking and talking and interacting more, its been a constant struggle to keep the peace between them. It's clear to me that she loves her big brother. She does what he does, goes where he goes, laughs at his antics. But, on Tommy's end of things, he spends all day shoving, pushing, and hitting her. <br />
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I guess this post is a vent, a confession and a cry for help. Deep down I know he loves his little sister (at least I pray) but he certainly doesn't show it. I know things aren't always as they appear, especially in our social media world, but I am plagued by facebook and instragram posts from other moms showing their littles holding hands, or playing together, with captions like "they love each other so much!" or "he loves his little sister!" This is not my reality, and it makes me ache. <br />
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I know, I know, I know...he's not even three! He's still little himself, and he's still working out how he feels about the world around him. And I know, I know, I know...I don't know what the sibling relationship looks like, having no siblings myself, and everyone around me assures me that this is normal. But...this is not what I pictured. I have admitted to a few people that I am terrified of what the arrival of a new sibling will bring (this isn't a pregnancy announcement, FYI :) ) If this is how much of a struggle it is now, how will he feel if another baby comes into the picture? (Not to mention, how to handle three separate sets of sibling relationships!) Will the two of them ever be friends, the way I dream they will be? At this point, I am even looking forward to the day that they join forces against me, driving me crazy in tandem. I want to believe they are a gift to each other, and I DO believe it. But for our family at this moment, it looks much different than what I see in other families. <br />
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I'm struggling to learn that this is okay, and that in this moment in time this is what God is placing before me as a mom. Because on the surface, that phrase: "The best give you can give your child is a sibling" sounds like one thing, but in practice for our family right now, it is quite another. For us right now it means lesson after lesson after lesson in love as a choice. And I can see what a blessing this will be for them down the road. Love, as we know, is not a feeling, but a moment by moment choice in action. I wasn't expecting to be teaching these lessons to my children yet. Lessons in co-existing, when we don't feel like it. And I certainly wasn't expecting the lessons I've been learning as a mom. Lessons in appreciating the little, mundane, ordinary moments. Being content with the life I HAVE instead of the one I WANT. Knowing that God knows what we need, and will provide that, but sometimes <i>only</i> that, and nothing more, at least for now. Knowning that sometimes love, and friendship are hard won, and don't come easy. Knowing that comparison really is the "thief of joy" in my life. <br />
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Because, love is messy and hard. Love doesn't always come wrapped in a pretty package. Sometimes, its sweetest when it's not so freely and easily given. I see this in my son. I revel in the simple-ness of him asking me where his sister is when he wakes up in the morning. I rejoice when he sneaks a package of fruit snacks from the kitchen, and brings one for her too. My heart aches at the beauty of them just sitting next to one another. <br />
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Oh yes...I can see that God is teaching me something, even if it isn't always clear what that is. <br />
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I am equal parts apprehensive and excited to see what the future holds for their relationship, and for our family as it grows. I know that all I can do is trust God to provide what we need, even in our relationships with one another. I know I have to trust Him alone for the grace to handle it all, because I fail in big ways in my attempts to mother these two souls. I am comforted by the thought that while being a wife and mother is my path to heaven, my kids are here on this earth to teach each other how to love, as well as to teach me. I know that even now they are a gift to each other in ways that I can't, and maybe never will see. <br />
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So at the end of the day...after all the time outs and the lectures (that probably go right over his head), and the ham-handed attempts at discipline, and the embarassment I hate to admit that I feel that I don't have this under control, and the ache in my heart for my toddler to show love to his little sister...at the end of all that...<br />
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I still believe it. "The best gift you can give your child is a sibling." <br />
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Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-17465172258237089002015-01-04T19:41:00.001-08:002015-01-04T19:43:29.130-08:00First Birthdays and New Adventures Oh gracious. Where do I even begin with this post? <br />
So much has happened since the last time I posted. Bullet points maybe? <br />
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1. Agnes turned ONE! So let's chat about her for a moment. Phew, that girl. She is a being all her own. She has so much personality, so much joy, so much drive, and I can't believe a year has already passed. Here is a little bit about her lately:<br />
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-She learned how to hug and give open mouth kisses. The hugs are the best because she has never been a snuggler, so when those little arms wrap around your neck and squeeze tight it is like heaven. <br />
-She wants to do ev-er-y-thing that her big brother is doing, much to his displeasure. <br />
-She started walking a little over a month ago, and has been a walking machine ever since. <br />
-She says Momma, Dada, night night, bye bye, what's that, diaper, doll, uh oh. Her favorite is to point at something and say "what's that!" over and over <br />
-She's a daddy's girl through and through. When she hears his key turn in the lock at the end of the day, she is already headed to greet him, and she is really unhappy if he chooses to do something other than pick her up right away. She loves to dance with him and give him hugs. I love seeing how much she loves him, it is the sweetest. <br />
-Still nursing about 4-5 times a day, and usually 2 times at night. SO far from where we were with Tommy at this age, but that's okay.<br />
-Still waking up 3 ish times a night (still, still, still.) I'll sleep when I'm dead right?<br />
-Has 8 teeth (They are sharp....she's also a biter)<br />
-Now she is probably around 24 lbs, and following solidly in her brother's footsteps, and hanging strong at the top of the charts.<br />
- She loves music, just like her brother. <br />
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It's amazing to me that it's been a year already. Too, too fast. <br />
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2. We are moving<br />
The saga of Pat's job history since leaving FOCUS has continued, but things are so much better now than they were a few months ago. Long story short, he got a job, hated the job, got let go from the job, got a new job, LOVED the new job, and the new job is relocating us to St. Louis. It's an incredible opportunity for him, because the position that he will be filling in St. Louis is really meant for someone more experienced, but his bosses have so much confidence in his performance over the last few months that they were really pulling for him on this one. It is a great opportunity, but it was an incredibly difficult decision for us personally. We love it in Kansas City and after moving three times already in 3.5 years, we really feel at home here and have started to form a community. BUT, my parents and many of our close friends live in St. Louis, and it is just the next adventure for the Caskey Clan. We are really looking forward to the move, which is only two weeks away! <br />
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Alright so...maybe there were only two bullet points, but let this mark the beginning of my return to the blog. It's been too long, and I have some more fun (and belated) Christmas projects to share! I have a new post in the works, but it's pretty personal and I am still summoning the courage, so stay tuned. <br />
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Love<br />
Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-15634648514584785682014-10-19T13:58:00.000-07:002014-10-19T18:46:25.466-07:00Agnes's Quiet Book I mentioned in a previous post that this Christmas has been dubbed a "handmade Christmas"...by me. What that means for me is lots of "sewing" and crafting and brainstorming and hurty fingers. But I am happy to say I have finally finished the first in a long list of projects, and I thought I would share it here! <br />
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After I made a similar book for a friend's baby shower, I figured I would make one for each of the kids for Christmas, with the theme being the letters of their names. <br />
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The Garden pages might be my favorite because they are the most interactive. I love that the vegetables can be "planted and picked." Kudos to <a href="http://www.bubblesandbobbins.com/2012/03/activity-book-aka-quiet-book-garden.html">bubbles and bobbins</a> blog for the beautiful inspiration. Her pages are adorable and flawless! <br />
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This page with the sheep was probably the most time consuming. All those little french knots took quite a while, but I love the effect, and I like that this page has a "touch and feel" element to it, in addition to being able to lift the flaps. <br />
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I wasn't sure what to do for the last page, so I added a pocket, and hopefully I will be able to find some time to make a few little finger puppets to hide inside. <br />
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I am really happy with the way this turned out, although I do want to figure out a better way to do the binding next time. I tell you what, if you are interested in making one for yourself, pinterest is an amazing resource. I literally just searched "garden quiet book page" and "apple quiet book page" etc. and so many great and adorable ideas popped up. And if you really need some inspiration, or an extra incentive to make your own, go check out <a href="http://quietbookblog.blogspot.com/">The Quiet Book Blog</a>! <br />
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Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-6405258703942940452014-10-15T18:36:00.000-07:002014-10-15T18:46:01.604-07:00Thoughts on food, and baking bread So I am the kind of person who is pretty susceptible to the power of suggestion, and I often find myself feeling guilty over the fact that my lifestyle doesn't match up to what other people's opinions of the "right way" to do things are. I know...its silly. But as a mom especially, if I hear someone touting a certain method or philosophy on parenting, I immediately become insecure and wonder if the way I am doing things is wrong. Trust me, it's not nearly as bad as it used to be when I was a super newbie mom, but now that I am oh so slightly more experienced, I am learning to trust my gut a little bit more. But I have been known to have the same reservations about my food-related decision making, especially as it pertains to feeding my family. As a mom and wife, I want the best for my husband and kids, and myself of course, when it comes to food. But guys...I am also tired, and in the <a href="http://onemoresoul.com/news-commentary/the-tunnel-of-parenthood.html">tunnel of parenthood</a> right now, and finding the time to pee alone is hard, let alone cook any gourmet meals. I also happen to be surrounded by a few people who are of the paleo persuasion, and my insides quiver anytime I hear someone talk about how great, and amazing and healthy they feel after going grain free, or doing a whole 30. I can't help but think twice about what I'm feeding my family. But then I remember...I love bread. I LOVE MUFFINS. I love to bake and I can't deny it, its just in my soul. We don't have a problem taking in enough fruits and veggies in this house, but we do eat alot of grains, and we love them. And I think I have finally found my middle ground when it comes to feeding my family well. <br />
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Have you seen, or read <a href="http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/">this blog</a>? I am becoming more and more interested in the idea of a "real food" diet, and while I know we still have a lot of changes to make in order to be eating more real food than not, I am really happy with the progress we have made so far. And I think the reason it appeals to me so much is that it doesn't seen to far off from what I have been trying to do in our home anyway. When I was pregnant with Agnes I became obsessed with baking. I have always enjoyed it, but never to the extreme degree that I reached during those nine months, and ever since. I'm talking more muffins than any sane person should ever make. And bread. <br />
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Bread has always scared me. Muffins, cookies, pancakes, granola from scratch...easy peasy. Bread? Not so much. Every now and then I would make a loaf but it was always a special occasion kind of thing. In June of this past summer I started baking sandwich bread to see if I could replace our store bought version, and I haven't looked back since. I don't mean this to sound braggy, but it has really given me a lot of pride to know that for almost four months now we haven't had to buy a loaf of bread at the store. Nope that's a lie...I bought one, and it is still in our freezer waiting to be eaten, because I was too stubborn to break my baking streak. There's something so old school and romantic to me about baking things from scratch. Not only does it taste better, but (and don't mistake me for a health nut, or anything) it actually IS nice to know what you are eating, and there is something that feels so wholesome to me about baking bread for my family. Don't get me wrong here, we still have a ways to go in the healthy eating department, but I'm learning that sometimes you need to "start where you are" with just one thing that you can do. And for me that is bread. Baking, for me, is comfort, and love, and hanging on a little bit to the way things used to be. <br />
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Thank heavens for Pinterest, where I have found all of my favorite recipes so far. If you want to try your hand at making your own bread here are some of the recipes that have worked well for me, and are very easy (and I mean very). <br />
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This <a href="http://moneysavingmom.com/2013/03/homemade-french-bread-success-yay-finally.html">French Bread </a> is a new one for me, but after I made it the first time I knew it was going directly into my recipe binder to be made over and over and over again. I got totally spooked by a terrible loaf of french bread I attempted about six months ago that I never tried since, but we made soup the other night and I knew we needed some good bread to go with it. We devoured an entire loaf, straight out of the oven and it was like a big warm hug, in carb form. <br />
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This <a href="http://butimhungry.com/2014/08/12/oatmeal-bread/">oatmeal sandwich bread </a> has seen the inside of my oven almost every week since June. It is delicious, hearty, makes amazing grilled cheese sandwiches, and it so incredibly easy, I could hardly believe it the first time I made it. <br />
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On a scale of 1 to expert baker, I would have to say I am about a 1, so I'm not claiming to know much about much of anything but I do know this: I love to eat, I love bread, and I would love to feed my family healthy foods with a big dose of love (barf...I know that was sappy, but its the truth) so I am slowly but surely learning how to make that happen. Give it a try, you won't regret it! <br />
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Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-75531494345931125742014-10-13T11:33:00.001-07:002014-10-13T11:47:25.105-07:00Provision It has been quite the week in the Caskey household. To put it bluntly and without any kind of preamble, my husband was let go from his job. Fortunately for us, he was already seeking other job opportunities, but it was still a shock to find out that he wouldn't be able to work through the rest of this month. I have to admit I was stunned for a minute, but God has given us some incredible gifts this week, and I wanted to share them. <br />
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I have a tendency toward anxiety, sometimes extreme, but most of the time there is just this subtle twitching worry in the back of my mind about anything and everything. It can be overwhelming, especially during times of stress. But for some reason, both Pat and I have been pretty peaceful about the whole situation, and I know that that is a grace from God. Somehow, my always-worried-about-something-or-other brain has been able to accept this situation with the knowledge that God will provide, and He has. <br />
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His last day of work was on Wednesday. By Friday he had found two bars willing to let him come on to bartend a few shifts on the weekends, in order to help us make it through the next few weeks before he will start doing some seasonal work for an insurance company. He has also had a pretty promising interview in St. Louis that we are still waiting to hear back about. <br />
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In short, God is already making moves, and I am so grateful. He has always provided for us, and we have no reason to doubt that He will continue to do so. <br />
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More than ever I am feeling the reality of the "team effort" that is our marriage. I know I am blessed to be a stay at home mom, but have you read <a href="http://www.babble.com/relationships/being-a-stay-at-home-parent-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse/">this</a> article?? I find this to be so true (not to give myself a pat on the back or anything, but you get the idea) and it has really helped me to start to see the value in what I am doing at home with the kiddos again, because sometimes it's very easy to forget. But now that Pat is working odd hours at bars and working from home trying to find something more permanent, it really is a blessing that I am able to be at home taking care of our kiddos, and to be flexible enough that he is able to do whatever he feels he needs to do. <br />
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I know that our ideas about the way we want to live our life, and our reliance on God to carry us through this season may not make sense to a lot of people. I trust that we can live simply, and that we don't need much other than a lot of grace, and to have our basic needs met. My husband is my hero, and even more so right now I am realizing just how much he does for our family. I feel strangely hopeful about it all, and I am looking forward to seeing what God has in store for us. <br />
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On a slightly related note, I have once again dubbed this Christmas a "handmade" Christmas, in part because money is tight, but mostly because I have become a certified craftaholic, and whenever my kids are asleep or otherwise occupied, I can be found with my out of control bag of felt scraps and embroidery thread working on some project or other, and I am hoping to start sharing some of those projects here, just for fun. Stay tuned! Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-21459851263826417252014-09-01T07:44:00.001-07:002014-09-01T07:44:53.100-07:00An apology letter to my two year old Dear Tommy...<br />
Whew. What a wild ride these last almost 9 months have been since Agnes was born. I will admit I can hardly remember what it was like when it was just you and I. It seems so long ago and you have grown up so much since then! <br />
When she was born you were talking, and walking, and playing and growing and all of those things have multiplied and expanded and now you are telling stories, and pretending, and imagining and turning into a big kid right before my eyes. You seem so much older to me than just your two years, and I am getting more and more excited to watch you grow up. But these 9 months have been difficult, too. I have snapped at you more times than I can count or name. I have yelled, and gotten angry and been upset for reasons that you cannot possibly understand. I know I have hurt your feelings at times, and been distracted, or too overwhelmed to notice how you were feeling, or to ask you what you needed. It hurts me to think of those things now, even though I know you will not remember them. I am doing much better than I was in the beginning after your sister was born, and even though we have hard days every now and then, the good ones are starting to outweigh the bad. But I am so sorry for all those bad days. I know the older you get the more you will realize how imperfect a mom, a person, I am. Child, you know what buttons to push with me, and some days you are a mystery to me, but I know that I push your buttons too. We won't always get along, and as you grow older we may understand each other less and less. I've never raised a little boy after all, and I don't know yet how to teach you to be a man (you're dad will have a big role in that, and he can teach you so many things that I can't). But I do have to say one thing: In this house we know how to say we are sorry and start over. One of my only consolations when I think of how hard these past months have been is knowing that I always came to you and said I was sorry after getting upset. I hope that that is something that you learn from me as you grow up. It is a silvery lining to all of the not so great mommy moments that I've had since your sister was born. I am learning, love. I am learning, sometimes painstakingly slowly, but I promise to always try to be better, and to keep saying I'm sorry when I mess up. There is, however, one thing that I will not apologize for, and that is giving you this little girl, Agnes. You may not realize it now, as she drools all over your toys and tries to bite your toes and wakes you up with her cries, but she is one of the best things that has ever happened to you, to us as a family. I can't wait to see what kind of shenanigans you two get into as you grow, to see your friendship blossom, to watch you play and share secrets and sometimes share hurts too. We love you little boy, and Agnes does too. Thank you for hanging in there with me as we figure out this whole, wonderful, crazy family thing together. You are one special little boy, and you bless me every single day. <br />
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Love, your Mama Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-84396119786136674292014-08-19T18:13:00.003-07:002014-08-19T18:13:39.700-07:00Oh, I have a blog? Yes. Yes I do. And I miss writing in it, even though I have 2 readers. But it's ok! It's therapeutic. I don't have much brain power left tonight so this entry is going to be in list form, a little snapshot of life lately, if you will.<br />
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1. Agnes is sleeping through the night! HAHAHA no. no she's not. she's a stinker. But we love her and we are 99% sure we are going to keep her :) In all seriousness, her sleeping hasn't gotten much better, BUT we are surviving over here, and she makes up for her lack of sleep by being the most adorable, silly, precious thing you've ever seen. I can't believe she is 8 months old: crawling, eating big people food...time is flying too fast here at the Caskey house. Every once in a while I have a day where I ask myself questions like "IF I stopped drinking coffee, how many days would it take me to actually die?", but they are few and semi-far between. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaPTzZf4LBM7oRy-vaN3cwEe5XQh8wsfTxvShWUXSRJ1B4U40ukfyiNljpxUQn6I7CJbY5jRauPpVG9llRDSVeVHeLU40Kb2ZFeipBO05Ud4w5psX8XquOwhDPMkhOHofeW2f5FX-Dhps/s1600/Agnes+at+the+baby+shower+.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaPTzZf4LBM7oRy-vaN3cwEe5XQh8wsfTxvShWUXSRJ1B4U40ukfyiNljpxUQn6I7CJbY5jRauPpVG9llRDSVeVHeLU40Kb2ZFeipBO05Ud4w5psX8XquOwhDPMkhOHofeW2f5FX-Dhps/s320/Agnes+at+the+baby+shower+.jpg" /></a></div><br />
2. Speaking of babies, this should have been number one on my list, but I AM AN AUNTIE! My nephew Jameson was born a week ago, at 32 weeks, and will be in the NICU for a while. But he is strong, handsome, healthy, and doing great. He is adorable, and although I havent gotten to meet him in person yet, I am eating up every photo and update from my brother and sister in law and I am so excited to be an aunt, and for our kiddos to be cousins. Even more, I am so excited to watch my brother and sister in law become parents, because really, is there anything better? <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXuuQogypAsDk0Ne-fyEfJv5Cs9ZFk38rG0UtqFcn-TyawC28-VSd6UZRzG0MDmXANVCDaFS7h0TYjhtPKYhXVnlj40P0zPwo-9vD4np56jlP-fZ2uylG6_SaEA0QFVZsIpw_6SjmkmCg/s1600/Jameson.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXuuQogypAsDk0Ne-fyEfJv5Cs9ZFk38rG0UtqFcn-TyawC28-VSd6UZRzG0MDmXANVCDaFS7h0TYjhtPKYhXVnlj40P0zPwo-9vD4np56jlP-fZ2uylG6_SaEA0QFVZsIpw_6SjmkmCg/s320/Jameson.jpg" /></a></div><br />
3. A month or so ago I decided that Tommy, Agnes, and I need a little bit more structure in our day in order to get through, and I implemented reading time and prayer time into our morning routine. After Agnes goes down for her morning nap, Tommy and I sit and read our library books, and then we go pray at our home altar that we set up on our desk in the living room. We pray a morning offering, a decade of the rosary, and sometimes tommy gives me some time to journal and do some personal prayer on my own. It has been a huge game changer having this built into our day every day, and I can tell that God is blessing this time. I am praying again, and it is good (Duh, right?). This morning I said morning prayer. Morning prayer! It was so wonderful! More on this in another post, maybe, but I had seriously let my prayer life slip and it feels so, so great to be making some headway in the right direction. <br />
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4. "The Nesting Place". READ IT. The combination of this wonderful book on homemaking/decorating/loving life, and a book by two christian moms called "Desperate" are giving me a good kick in the pants in terms of being more intentional in our home, making it a place of rest, and using what I have to make this a place that my family and I want to be. Again, more on that later if I ever get back on the blogging track. But seriously, I cannot recommend "The Nesting Place" enough: beautiful photos and ideas, but even more beautiful philosophies on making a home. Her tagline is "It doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful." Enough said. <br />
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That's about all I can muster for now, but I'm hoping that I will be able to sit down and do this a little more often from now on. It might be nice to get back in the blogging saddle again ;)<br />
Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-33451051438731356552014-06-30T12:06:00.000-07:002014-06-30T12:06:08.709-07:00Reluctant Acceptance It's been 6 long months. And I mean long. But after talking to another mom who is in a very similar situation with her one year old, and doing some reflecting, and way too much complaining I've come to realize that I would probably be much more peaceful if I worked on just accepting that Agnes doesn't sleep instead of constantly trying to analyze/fix/brainstorm/and change her. It's not my fault. She's not up all night because of something bad that I taught her, or because of something that I failed to teach her. She's not up all night because I've failed. She's up all night because that's just who she is. The end. <br />
But goodness gracious, it's hard. When Tommy was this age, the older he got the longer he slept. It was natural for him. His periods of long sleep just kept increasing in length until he started sleeping all night. We did do a little sleep training to teach him how to fall asleep on his own when he was around 8-10 months or so, and sometimes things were difficult, but now as a toddler he sleeps 12 hours every night with the occasional bad night due to teething, or defiance or goodness knows what. But its rare. But Agnes...oh Agnes. She is something else entirely. <br />
When you have a baby, especially after already having another child, you have these expectations of how things will be, and then...that's not what you end up getting. <br />
I wouldn't trade her, I really really wouldn't. I love her so much, and as silly and cliche as it sounds, I already have trouble remembering what life was like without her. But I am bone tired. We have been up every hour to every two hours all night long for the pat 5 months. I can't believe we've actually made it this long. A friend of mine, whose son just turned one, has had the exact same experience. Only theyve been doing it for a year now. <br />
I finally told Pat yesterday that I was resigning myself to this new reality. I want to convince myself that this is how it will be for the next six months, probably longer, so that I won't go to bed at night hoping that tonight will be the night things get better! I feel like if I set myself up to expect this every night, maybe I will have a little more peace. Maybe I will be a little less selfish when I have to wake up with her. again. Maybe I will start thinking of her instead of thinking of myself. Maybe I will be able to more readily remember that (as this wise friend said) getting up with her at night is an act of selfless love for her. <br />
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Parenthood is rarely what you expect it's going to be. And although we live in a culture that wants to treat babies as a commodity, or an accessory to our lives, or completely interchangeable with one another, Agnes is this little...well, person. She is her own person. An individual that I am blessed to spend my days (and nights) with. An individual who is learning how to live with me just as much as I am trying to learn how to live with her. An individual who is going to have to learn how to adjust to my quirks, and shortcomings over the coming years just as much as I am learning to adjust to her, right now. I'm not going to pretend that being a parent means you have to enjoy every single blissful moment you spend with your kids. That's not real. There are a lot of moments (days, weeks, months even) that aren't all that enjoyable. Certainly not blissful. But we sure do love each other. And right now, exhausted as I am, thats enough. Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-22767184319928167252014-06-06T08:23:00.001-07:002014-06-06T08:28:49.979-07:007 quick takes: or 7 things I might do in the next decade, if I get the time It has been so long since I have written a post on the old (so old) blog, and even longer since I've done quick takes. There have been so many ideas buzzing around in my brain, and so many things on my long to do list that I thought I would share some of the projects that I might get accomplished sometime in the next million years if I ever get the time, or motivation to do them. <br />
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1. A pinterest worthy coffee table re do.<br />
Our coffee table in our living room is a hand-me-down, and it.is.terrible. It is the most basic coffee table you can think of, it is brown, and now after two years of baby, it has started to warp on top due to all the water cup spillage, and it is sticky in the corners where the baby bumpers used to be before my toddler ripped them off. I am desperate to do something cool to it like paint it a ridiculous color. I am thinking either a bright yellow or turquoise might go really well in our living room, and it would be neat to paint the base, and then attach some stained boards to the top. <br />
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2. Building raised beds in our back yard.<br />
This one is a dream of both Pat and I, and has a better chance of being accomplished sooner rather than later. BUT, while Pat is very handy and could probably build them in a few hours, neither one of us know anything about when to grow what, and how. We have a lot of research to do, and have probably already missed our window for planting alot of the things we'd like to. It might be a project for next year. <br />
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3. Dust off the guitar and find a good open mic night. <br />
Back home in St. Louis there is a coffee place right across the street from my dad's business that has the best open mic night you have ever been to. The music is amazing, the people are great, and the coffee is excellent. I used to go almost every week when I lived there (I played once back when two of my friends and I from Benedictine had a band). Some open mic nights you go to, and the music is less than great, and sometimes awkward. Not so with this place. Every single person that played was amazing, and there was even crowd participation on a few occasions, which was just too much fun. I have only ever done an open mic night with other people, but have always wanted to do it by myself, because goodness knows I love to play some good cover songs. HOWEVER, I have yet to find anything comparable to this in Kansas City, so if anyone knows where I might look, I would love to know. <br />
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4. Find some good toddler arts and crafts ideas that dont make me want to pull out my hair. <br />
I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that as much as I like to do crafty things myself, there have never been many toddler art activities going on in this house. Tommy is now two, and he just painted for the first time about a week ago, and it only lasted for about three minutes because he hated it. Hated. IT. I have no idea why. Every once in a while we pull out the crayons, but you know how short attention spans can be. I really want to do so me fun crafty things with him, but I just dont know what to do, and am very skeptical about whether or not he will actually be interested. But I think it could be a good way to break up our day too, so I am open open open. <br />
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5. Purge. <br />
I have been on a very big organization kick in our house. All kinds of stuff is going in the trash, and its awesome. But our basement is full of crap, and I really would like to get my husbands permission to just toss anything that we havent touched our looked at in the last six months into the trash so I never have to think about it again, or try to find new places to store things. As much as I don't want to waste a million envelopes that are taking up an entire storage container in the basement, I just dont know what else to do with them.<br />
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6. Build a new wardrobe. <br />
In a rush of organizational inspiration a few months ago I donated about 75% of the clothes that were being stored in bins that didn't fit, courtesy of two pregnancies. It felt good. I now have a very small, non functional, and hole-y wardrobe that is not doing me any favors. This one is going to require some saving and some research and a lot of shopping, but I would love to have somewhat of a capsule wardrobe, with higher quality pieces of clothing. I don't need a lot, since I am staying at home and don't have much else going on, but even my go to pair of yoga pants now has a hole in them. It's time. <br />
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7. Stick to a cleaning schedule.<br />
I like things to be clean. But lately, all I have time for is straightening up, dishes, and laundry and it seems like everything else has fallen by the wayside. I would love to be able to stick to a schedule so that things like the bathroom, and the floors etc. actually get cleaned on a semi regular basis so that I don't have to walk into the kitchen in the morning and find that there is a hunk of dried pulled pork stuck to the bottom of my foot. I love the idea of a schedule, but thus far have found it difficult to stick to. Maybe I need to challenge myself to stay on track with a schedule for a month or so and then see how I feel about it, and how it affects my stress level. <br />
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Join <a href="http://conversiondiary.com">Jen</a> for more quick takes, and have a wonderful Friday! I hope you accomplish something great today! Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-36000260245409797122014-04-27T12:34:00.001-07:002014-04-27T13:58:30.305-07:00My crisis of mommy identity I think it's safe to say being a mom changes you in a pretty big way. But I am straight up in a funk right now, and I think I have been for a while. Do you ever look in the mirror and think- how did I get here? Don't get me wrong please, I am so thrilled to be a mommy to, lets face it, the two cutest beings on this earth (I'm biased). But two babies, almost three years of marriage, three moves, and a very drastic, recent mom-chop of a haircut have me wondering...who the heck am I!?! I don't even LOOK like me anymore! <br />
I sat down with Pat the other day and had something of a mini breakdown. I'm sure it's part exhaustion, but I'm feeling like every day looks pretty much the same, and I've started wondering whatever happened to my hobbies and interests. It's strange to think about it now, but I used to be a songwriter! I LOVED it. I used to play my guitar almost every day. I was always working on learning a new piece of music, or working on new lyrics, or just playing for fun. Sadly, I think that I can count the number of times I've played in the last three years on one hand. Obviously, a big prego belly (times two) makes playing the guitar a bit difficult at a certain point, but it's strange to think that something that was such a huge part of my life for so long just isn't anymore. <br />
Part of me is okay with that. I still love music, and I have a few new interests, like decorating our house and baking like a fiend. But I'm still struggling to find my niche right now. I think I really need something to pour energy into that's just for me. Because I am prideful, that is hard to admit. Why would I want anyone to think that I'm not perfectly fulfilled by wife-dom, and mommy-hood? Why would I want anyone to think that I need anything else? <br />
Well...because that's reality. God created me with passions, and desires, and dreams, and even though it feels like it sometimes, those things don't just disappear when your life starts barrelling full speed ahead and the babies start coming. The problem now is...what do I want to do? <br />
I've found since becoming a mom that I need to be more discerning when it comes to what I commit my time and energy to. <a href="http://http://www.conversiondiary.com/2013/09/a-few-thoughts-on-following-your-dreams-while-putting-your-family-first.html">This post </a> by Jennifer Fulwiler has given me alot of valuable food for thought when it comes to the things I want to pursue. I still don't have an answer, and I have to admit that that is hard for me. What gives me energy instead of burning me out? What is going to lend itself in a positive way to the needs of my family? <br />
Ever heard that quote: don't compare your chapter one to another persons' chapter 20? Ok, I'm certain that's not how it actually goes but you get the idea? I know I am still very much in the beginning stages of being a wife and mom, and my life doesn't have to be perfectly orchestrated in this present moment. There are the practical realities of life with two babies after all. I'm finding I need to be a little more gentle with myself than I usually am, or I start giving in to jealousy and resentment, when I look at other people's lives and see order, or goals being met, or dreams being realized, beyond the wonder that is raising two small children. It's okay that I don't have everything figured out I think. But I am going to do a lot of inward thinking (when I have the time) and try to figure out what the next step is. <br />
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In the meantime, I give you <a href="http://http://www.conversiondiary.com/2013/07/21-tips-for-survival-mode.html">Jen's 21 tips for survival mode</a> (Can you tell I'm a fan of her?) because people, that's just where we are at right now in the Caskey house. <br />
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Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-24818033499662330592014-04-20T13:38:00.000-07:002014-04-20T13:38:18.955-07:006 Tips for dealing with babies who hate sleep Happy Easter!! He is RISEN! It has been an utterly beautiful day, and now we are spending some much needed time relaxing after a great Easter weekend. <br />
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It has been months since I've posted anything here because well, I have been exhausted. Agnes is growing by leaps and bounds, smiling, laughing, happy, and she is a complete joy. But at four months old, she is still sleeping terribly. Tommy was not the greatest sleeper either when he was little, but around two months he did give me a random stint of sleeping through the night, so I did have a little time to recover before he reverted back to multiple night wakings. I can count the number of decent nights that Agnes has had on one hand, and its safe to say that I have been in quite a daze ever since she was born. Don't get me wrong, its not all bad. Recently she started napping in her crib for all her naps (even though they aren't very long), and she sleeps in her crib every night. She is, however, completely paci obsessed, and still has to be swaddled verrry tightly in order to get any shut eye. And then there's the waking every two hours at night. Sometimes all night...sometimes its only an hour and a half between wake ups. Sometimes its only an hour. Her first stretch of sleep is usually the longest, but she hasn't gone longer than four hours in at least two months. So far I haven't been able to force myself to go to bed at 7 30, so usually I don't get to enjoy many of those initial hours. This isn't a post to complain about her sleeping or how tired I am, but to give some advice (mostly to myself, for future reference) about the ways I've been trying to cope with the sleep deprivation. So here goes: My top tips for dealing with a baby who doesn't sleep!<br />
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1. Don't over-analyze<br />
So you read an internet article that says your baby should be sleeping X amount hours during the day for naps, but she will only take 20-30 minute naps all.day.long. This is Agnes. Short little naps here and there, and not really on any predictable schedule. BUT-she wakes up happy and smiling and chatting, so I've learned to just accept that this is her pattern, at least for now. I've been learning to change my attitude from "GAH! She only slept 30 minutes!" to "Great! She slept 30 minutes and I got to hang with Tommy, or put some laundry away. Better than nothing!" And once that crappy nap is over, just forget about it. Move on...there will be another naptime in a few hours. Don't sweat it. Same with spending hours trying to get her to nap if she is just not having it. It's okay to take a break and try again later instead of working yourself into a tizzy and thinking "WHY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH WON'T SHE JUST GO TO SLEEP." Take a breather, and try as best you can to move on. <br />
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2. Dont coun't the number of wake ups<br />
In the morning, when you still haven't had any coffee and you are still bleery eyed and trying to recall the night before, resist the urge to count the number of times the baby woke up. In my experience, this only makes me mad, and encourages me to spend the morning complaining about how often she was up in the middle of the night. Once the morning rolls around, let last night be over and just forget about it. Dwelling on some crazy number isn't going to help you get through today. <br />
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3. Don't count the number of hours YOU got to sleep<br />
In the same vein as number two, resist the urge to count the number of hours you slept in between the wake ups, for the same reason. Yes, it probably wasn't enough sleep, but its morning now and calculating the number of hours you got vs. the number you needed isn't going to help anyone. Maybe tonight will be better. <br />
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4. Stay away from google <br />
Going online and googling "4 month old not sleeping!!!!" is only going to open up a world of terrible advice or make you feel like you are completely failing your child for not "giving them the gift of sleep." If you're a mom, you have enough to worry about already without feeling like the fact that your baby isn't sleeping is somehow you're fault. Plus its totally confusing, and the discrepancies in all of the baby sleep advice you will read online will only serve to frustrate you more if you are feeling lost. I'm getting tired of reading people's advice and opinions on what babies SHOULD be doing, and how to help a baby sleep more. There's too much advice out there and it is completely overwhelming, especially when you try to implement it and it just doesn't work for you. OR you will just drive yourself crazy when you see people asking for advice on how to get their babies to stop waking twice a night. I'll admit I have had many a self-righteous conversation in my head that goes something like "How DARE that mom complain about TWO night wakings! THE OUTRAGE!" It's not that mom's fault. We are all tired, and we are all looking to get more sleep. We need to give each other, and ourselves a little grace and know that this too shall pass. And stay the frick away from google.<br />
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5. It's NOT your FAULT<br />
Sure, you are the mom and its you're job to make sure your kids get naps and decent sleep at night, but some babies just have to grow into it, and need some time. Some people (who happen to have great sleepers) will tell you that the reason their kids sleep so great is because they have been taught to sleep great. That may be true, but I do also believe that baby sleep has a lot to do with temperment, and every baby is different. Don't get caught in the trap of feeling like the reason your kid isn't sleeping is because you aren't taking the time to be attentive to their sleep needs. Chances are you are doing everything right, and you just need to wait it out, until they start sleeping on their own, or until they are old enough to handle that extra little nudge in the right direction: sleep training. This too shall pass, and you are doing the best you can. <br />
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6. Caffeine<br />
Need I say more? <br />
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Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-88253201058068588952014-01-18T10:40:00.001-08:002014-01-18T10:40:06.324-08:00Cliche post about the adventure of marriage Marriage is an adventure. I think that statement is true, and I'm sure I saw the truth in it before I was actually a married woman. But Pat and I were in the car this morning talking about the future, and reflecting on the last two and a half years and I realized just how true it is for us. Apparently moving homes is one of the most stressful experiences for married couples. So far we have moved three times, and may or may not be gearing up for another move sometime in the next 6 months to a year depending on where Pat can find a job. Add to those three moves, being pregnant twice (because that is a whole big huge, messy exhausting thing unto itself) and having two babies. There have only been three or four weeks of our entire marriage so far that I have not been either pregnant or nursing a baby. Pretty soon we will also be adding a pretty dramatic career change on Pat's part, but what exactly that is going to be or entail we don't know yet. Suffice it to say, whatever periods of normalcy or consistency we have experienced so far in our marriage have been incredibly short lived, and only a bridge to whatever the next big thing was going to be. <br />
It's strange now talking about what our plans are for future children. If I can do the math correctly, we have charted and used NFP for all of about three weeks of our two and a half years of marriage. Which means that in this nearly 6 weeks postpartum moment, we are pretty confused. So we are definitely in uncharted territory. <br />
The future seems pretty uncertain right now, and I have to say that although things are a little bit easier today that they were a few weeks ago, having two kids under two years old brings with it quite the learning curve, and I have a feeling that won't be ending any time soon. <br />
It's hard to even imagine being settled down. Living in a home we have no intention of moving out of anytime soon. Settling into a groove and staying put for a while. I don't know what that's like. It simultaneously scares me and sounds like just the ticket for a frazzled mom. We are so used to being on the move, preparing for the next big game changer, that I almost can't conceive of letting life slow down for a while. <br />
Marriage is definitely an adventure. Pat commented that in the last two years, with the moves and the babies, we have made more significant changes than some married couples ever make. But I know I wouldn't change it. And I know I'm not alone in my experience. Forever and ever, people have been having babies, losing jobs, getting new jobs, moving, bickering, wondering what's going to happen next, and surviving it. So when I feel lonely in my role as a stay mom, or I'm overwhelmed by my toddler throwing up all over me and the newborn baby (it happened the other day...it wasn't pretty), or stressing over my husbands job situation, I know that I'm not the first, and I won't be the last. It doesn't make those moments a whole lot easier when they're happening, but in a way it makes them more bearable in retrospect. And as apprehensive as I sometimes am about the future, I say bring it on. Look at all that we've been through and survived, and all the great moments we've had. Look at all the tough moments that have made us stronger. I think if we've toughed out these past two and a half years, we can probably handle a little bit more. <br />
And that's why even though the thought of moving, and more babies, and job changes and the uncertainty of it all can overwhelm me at times, I'm feeling hopeful that it will all turn out okay. God knows. Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-52307400968986030332014-01-13T11:30:00.003-08:002014-01-13T11:37:17.789-08:00Agnes' birth story Miss Agnes is a whole month old! So I figured since I wrote out the whole saga which was Tommy's birth story, I should write one for Agnes too while it's still fresh in my mind. <br />
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My pregnancy with Agnes was pretty uneventful, aside from the usual complaints, and the extra added bonus of sciatica that stuck around pretty much from the beginning. Since Tommy was so late I decided to tell myself over and over that Agnes would be late too, that way I wouldn't be dissapointed to go past my due date. The weekend before my due date was absolutely crazy. Tommy got sick with a random, but harmless childhood illness and had a really high fever for about four days straight, which we spent almost entirely on the couch. He was miserable, barely eating, and not sleeping great so we were all pretty exhausted. On my due date I ran some errands (Pat was awesome and handed me a panera gift card and basically demanded I buy myself a new book on my kindle, go get some coffee and not think about the fact that our baby could come at any time). I got out of the house for a while, ran some errands, and had a few contractions, nowhere near each other and so strange feeling that I didn't really register what it was at first. But it only happened two or three times, and I just ignored it. Tommy had broken out in a rash, so that afternoon I took him to the pediatrician. All in all it was a pretty busy day and I was sufficiently distracted from the fact that there was no baby yet. I even ran into my brother in law at Target and told him that the baby was absolutely not coming today. Pat was gone that night and got home late so I went to bed early-ish, but was having a really hard time sleeping. Sometime maybe around 11 or 12 I started having what I guessed were contractions, but they weren't really time-able or consistent, although I started thinking that maybe something really WAS going to happen pretty soon. Eventually the contractions were bothering me, and I couldn't sleep so I came downstairs where Pat was watching Superman. I sat down and tried to watch a little with him, and then when the contractions kept coming nonchalantly mentioned that I thought I was having contractions, trying not to get too antsy about it in case it was a false alarm. I was so tired though, that Pat suggested I go back to bed, since they didn't seem to be coming at regular intervals. I went and got into bed, and they they started rolling in about 7-8 minutes apart. <br />
This was when things started to get interesting. Pat came up to check on me, and I told him that yes, I was definitely having contractions (although I was still skeptical, and told him that for all I knew it could just be gas pains...). He climbed in bed with me to try to rub my back, and all of the sudden I just started shaking. Whenever a contraction came I would try my best to breathe through it, and in between my whole body was shaking so much that I just could not relax. Laying down was not helping me cope, so I decided to get up and call our family friend Laura, who is a doula and volunteered to be there to help me during the birth. I called her and told her I had been having contractions for a while, and that I was getting nervous because my body was shaking so much. She said it sounded like I was in labor, and that sometimes women can shake during labor due to the hormones, but in the back of my mind I also remembered reading that it can be something that happens when you are in transition. On the phone with her, I had a few more contractions, and she pointed out to me that I obviously wasn't able to talk through them, which meant I was definitely in labor, and that it was probably time for her to head over, so she could help me out before we went to the hospital. I got off the phone with her, and paced around the living room, swaying and holding onto the back of a chair during contractions, and finally settling on leaning over the ottoman on my knees and burying my face into a cushion when each contraction came. Now is the time to note that Tommy was also up ALL night, and Pat was up in Tommy's room during all of this trying to get him to go back to sleep. He either still didn't feel well, or he sensed that something was happening. I know it sounds strange, but I really think he knew that something was going on, because while I was downstairs laboring him I could hear him upstairs in his room asking for me. All of the sudden the contractions went from 7 ish minutes apart, to about two minutes apart. I could tell that they were getting much closer together, but I wasn't timing them at that point because they were so intense. Pat finally came downstairs, and asked me if I had called Laura, and how close the contractions were coming. I had a contractions, and he started timing. Two minutes later when I had another one, he determined that we had better get ourselves in the car and on the way to the hospital NOW. He called Laura and told her to meet us there instead of coming to the house, and quickly started grabbing our bags and loading the car, while calling his mom to come over to watch Tommy. A few minutes later she was here and they did their best to get me ready to go. I was in my pjs, and the contractions were so intense and so close together, that having me slip my feet into a pair of birks, and getting my arms into a jacket was all they could manage. I had to move in between contractions in order to be able to walk at all, so I had one in the hallway, one on the front stoop, and one outside the car door before I could finally get in. Pat drove to the hospital, and when he pulled up at the front entrance I could see Laura through the window, and she came out to give me a hand. Again, I got out of the car, and had a contraction outside, one right inside the door, and one in the lobby before someone offered me a wheelchair, that I declined, because I couldn't fathom being able to sit down at that point. We got to the front desk where I had to give my SS number and sign in, all while squeezing Laura's hand very hard through each contraction. While we were still in the lobby, and then in the elevator, I definitely felt like I had to start pushing, so I was breathing pretty intensely through contractions to keep from letting my body push until we got into the delivery room. I was vocalizing (read: yelling) quite alot, which I really didn't feel like I had control over, and Laura suggested to me to try making my voice lower, which is supposed to facilitate labor by opening you up and helping you to relax. I started doing that and I am amazed to say that it actually worked, so I tried my best to continue doing that, although that didn't last too long, and she had to remind me again a few times. They actually took me to a triage room first to check and see how far dilated I was, which I still think is silly because once they checked me, I was already nine centimeters and they had to wheel me to a delivery room, which after the fact seems like a step we could have skipped. Part of me was shocked to already be that far along, but I wasn't registering much at this point. I think I had my eyes closed from triage all the way until the baby was born, except for a few seconds here and there because the contractions were so intense. They had a bit of trouble moving me onto a new bed in the labor room, but once they did I basically was on my side and couldn't help but start pushing. <br />
Funny story. When Tommy was born I had to be induced, and ultimately ended up having to get an epidural. I remember towards the beginning of my labor with him when things were just getting started, there was a woman laboring in another woman who was screaming and yelling at the top of her lungs. The nurse in our room just laughed and said "Oh, don't worry. You aren't going to have to go through that, because you will probably be getting an epidural!" With Agnes, that yelling, screaming woman was ME. It was like someone else totally took over my body and I had no choice but to just keep yelling. Later I told Pat I was embarrassed by this, but after thinking about it, I'm really not. I just did what I had to do. <br />
Because I was already starting to push on my own when we got into the delivery room, they gave me a hep lock to begin giving me an IV, but there was literally no time for an IV, or a monitor, or really anything because my body decided it was going to have a baby right! now! I was still wearing my clothes that I wore into the hospital. Once I started pushing, the doctor realized that my water hadn't broken yet, because I started to push it out. I know the doctor broke my water at that point, but I don't remember it happening. At that point they helped me flip over onto my back so that I could deliver the baby. I felt what everyone calls "the ring of fire" but it only lasted a few seconds, and then they told me she was crowning. All of the sudden there she was! All in all, my entire labor was less than four hours from start to finish, and we were only at the hospital for about 15 minutes before she actually came. I actually had a nurse ask me if we had stayed at home so long on purpose so that we could ensure a natural birth. I told he that I DID want a natural birth, but that if I had known how fast she was going to come, we would have high tailed it to the hospital a LOT sooner. I held her right away, and once the doctor started to stitch me up (I had two second degree tears...ouch) I was able to nurse her for the first time. She was born at 4:17 on the morning of December 12. She weighed 8 lbs 8 oz, and was 20 inches long. One ounce heavier, and one inch shorter than her brother. Praise God, she was perfectly healthy and nursing well, and we were able to go home after only a 30 hour hospital stay. <br />
It's amazing to think back on her birth now, because it was exactly the opposite of my labor with Tommy, in pretty much every way. I'm shocked that I gave birth to her naturally, and I know that if I had been in labor longer than four hours, it may have been a much different outcome. It was the birth I thought I wanted, but in the end I didn't have a choice because she just decided to come so quickly. We joked (although it really COULD have happened) that it was a good thing she wasn't born in the car or on the side of the road. One thing I will say is that although I had a lot of pain for quite a while while my tears healed, my recovery from Agnes' birth was a lot easier to deal with, especially in the hospital. Not having an IV meant I didn't swell as much, and not having any drugs meant that other than the pain of actually birthing her, I felt pretty normal afterwards. <br />
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Now, she's a month old and she's doing really great. I feel back to normal physically too, which took about two and a half weeks. It's almost too much when I consider that God has given us the gift of two healthy babies. I plan on writing soon about the transition, because I really want to remember everything about the past few weeks. It has been hard, I will be honest. SO much harder that I thought it would be, or was prepared for. But I know that each day that passes, things will get easier as we all continue to adapt to one another. Yesterday Agnes was baptized, and it was such a beautiful day. <br />
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Thank God for our little Agnes! <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk-f_kOl2uLfnIy4NqPgHbcEZAdW2hH1S9b7PdlnYunf4erEu2GkTIdTlWdiaIPj_-jXN4klKz_dAsABxzL-WCW_Z2pWbsF5By016jFKeBNL7l7VrUTQHorxEvKXofpvMVz1-3IYbi3cQ/s1600/Agnes+.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk-f_kOl2uLfnIy4NqPgHbcEZAdW2hH1S9b7PdlnYunf4erEu2GkTIdTlWdiaIPj_-jXN4klKz_dAsABxzL-WCW_Z2pWbsF5By016jFKeBNL7l7VrUTQHorxEvKXofpvMVz1-3IYbi3cQ/s320/Agnes+.jpg" /></a>Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-92106914559492316382013-12-08T19:18:00.000-08:002013-12-08T19:23:08.901-08:0021st century mom It's been a really long time since I've posted here. This pregnancy has taken it out of my quite frankly, and it's just been a crazy last few months. That being said, our baby is due to arrive literally at any time, and I have had A LOT on my mind. There's nothing like the impending birth of your second child to get you reflecting on anything and everything, and BOY I've been doing a lot of thinking. This weekend Tommy has been sick (have I mentioned that he is 18 months old now and basically a man? He's the best). This weekend has been one big cuddlefest, watching movies on the couch and just holding our son. This hasn't happened since he was a newborn because quite frankly, we got the one kid who actually has zero to no desire to sit down and watch a TV show, let alone a whole movie. As much as I hate seeing him feel icky, at the same time it felt really good to have what will potentially be one last weekend just to soak up the threesome that is our family, with nothing to do except just snuggle. I've been thinking alot, especially today about what kind of a mom I am. <br />
As far as being a mom in our day and age goes, I feel like I've really missed the boat sometimes. Long gone are the days when being a good mom just meant that you kept your kids fed, clean, relatively well behaved and tried to pass on some good values along the way. Sometimes I just feel so much pressure. These days it seems like being a good mom starts before you even push the baby out. You have to have your newborn and infant family photographer booked well in advance, the baby book purchased and ready and waiting for every milestone to be recorded. We're expected to provide age appropriate, but stimulating and educational activities for our little ones starting at birth. Have the best toys out there, but make sure that you dont have too many...but not to few either. Your baby should be arts and crafts-ing by at least age one. Sometimes I just feel like its all too much. Don't get me wrong...every once in a while I have a moment where I feel like I've really gotten something right. But so many times I feel like while I've been putting all my efforts into doing what I believe is best, or at least trying to figure it out, I've been missing all the extras. I'll be honest, our family doesn't even own a decent camera. We've never had family photos professionally taken. I've never had a baby book for Tommy where I recorded his milestones when they happened, and when I got a coupon to order one online, I had a very near emotional breakdown when I realized that I couldn't remember all the details of his first year of life. I didn't take a picture every month for that first year either, to compile together for him to look at later when he can appreciate that he was a baby once. Someday he might ask me exactly how old he was when he first rolled over, and I'll have to make my best guess. We play with the same toys over and over and over, and I wonder whether or not he is getting bored of being here with me all day long. Apart from a few scribbles with crayon, we haven't done many art projects up in here...never busted out any finger paint or any of the fun, creative things it seems like so many moms are doing. It makes me nervous...we are having a baby girl in a few days. The family she is going to be born into is a simple one. We don't go all out, we just do the best we can. We have fun, we are living and thriving and loving each other...but there aren't alot of extras, and I certainly don't have any photographers booked to capture her first moments of life, her first year, the beginning of our life as a family of four. I don't have a baby book, and If I did I'm not so sure that it wouldn't get put in a closet somewhere, with my best intentions, for later, and get forgotten about. But I can say one thing with confidence. I've put my heart and soul into being a mom over the past 18 months. I've been there for every first moment, and I've cherished them all. I may not be the most fun mom on the planet. I may not have created a pinterest worthy Montessori play space for my toddler, with only the best and highest quality toys on the market, and I may not have him enrolled in any toddler activity classes so he can get the just-right amount of social interaction. But I love the kid more than I will ever be able to explain, and even though I know many parents worry about having enough love to go around for another kid, I am so excited to meet this little girl and get our life started as our new family unit. I can't promise my kids that when they grow up I will have beautiful family photo albums and precious keepsakes from their baby years to pass on to them, but I really am doing the best that I can, and I hope that they remember that I was there; That I cuddled them when they felt sick, that I knew what would make them laugh, that I played with them, and became a better person because of them, and grew up with them into the woman that God wants me to be. Maybe someday, maybe even soon I will get my act together and start recording some of these special moments. Maybe I'll try to take a few more pictures, even if they are just on my cell phone. But maybe I'll also let go of this ideal mom I have in my head that I need to live up to, and just be content with being the mom that I am, and know that I am the best mom for Tommy and Agnes because I am <i>theirs</i>. <br />
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In the meantime, I'm looking forward to meeting this new little soul...God keep her safe and sound until she is ready to come and greet the world. And if you're a mom and you're reading this, you are doing a great job. Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-53458488188764125912013-06-07T08:30:00.001-07:002013-06-07T08:30:33.519-07:007 Quick Takes, Vol. 61. This is the first time in a long time I've done quick takes! Tommy and I are still in STL and will be here another week while Patrick goes down to FOCUS staff training in Florida to meet his new team. I made dinner last night (here at my parents' house) and it got me SO excited to move into our new house. What, you mean counter space actually makes cooking dinner easier? YES. Yes it does. I won't even know what to do with myself with extra counter space, but I'm way more excited about it than I probably should be. <br />
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2. The other day Pat, Tommy and I stopped into adoration and I picked myself up a free copy of Janet Smith's talk called "Contraception, why not?" I read a few of her articles in college, but actually listening to this talk was amazing, and I would totally recommend it to anyone who is looking for a way to share the Catholic Church's teaching on contraception with someone that they know. She even makes a comment during the talk that sometimes the best way to share these truths is to give someone reading material (encyclicals, articles) or this kind of talk on CD for them to listen to, and then come back and discuss later if they are willing. I wrote a while ago about having this conversation with a friend of mine who told me that she and her soon to be hubs have started using birth control in anticipation of getting married. It really hurt my heart for her, and we had a good conversation about it, but I think this talk would articulate much more eloquently than I did the reasons behind what the church teaches. Check it out!<br />
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3. When I was pregnant with Tommy I subscribed to emails from the website thebump.com so that every week I could find out how big he was relative to a piece of fruit. That's really silly to type out. But I love knowing how big the baby is, and what's going on! But yesterday I received the most ridiculous article in my inbox called "9 ways to tell if you shouldn't have kids." It was appalling. This article basically said that if you've ever had to flush a goldfish, or if you don't like babysitting other people's kids, if you like to travel, if you like to sleep (Come on, who doesn't like to sleep?), or if you have any amount of debt, etc. etc. etc, you definitely should not have a child. I'm not even gonna get into how ridiculous it is to compare a baby to a beta fish, but this is so typical of the world we live in that it just made me seethe. I pray that someday people will realize that babies are blessings. One commenter (why? why do I read the comments?) very wisely stated that "you aren't gonna become a good parent before you are one! You have to have the baby first!" So true. <br />
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4. This past week we took Tommy to the zoo for the first time. It was so fun getting out as a family and doing something like that that I started to wonder why we don't do it more often. It was truly a breath of fresh air. Pat was insanely excited to introduce Tommy to penguins, and it was sweet. Tommy did a lot of pointing, which possibly means he was interested in the animals, but maybe not. Nevertheless it was really nice, and I look forward to doing more things like that as a family in the future. <br />
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5. If you're looking for a really yummy, easy to make, quick, healthy dinner try this on for size: <br />
Brown a few pounds of hamburger meat. Saute some mushrooms. Throw both of those things into a big pot with some uncooked celery, a can of french cut green beans, whatever seasonings you want and some v8 tomato juice. Cook until the celery is soft. I ate two bowls last night, it was delish. <br />
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6. I am fascinated by the show wife swap. Somehow it always happens to be on during the time that Tommy is taking his afternoon nap and it is completely amazing to me to see how different people run their households, manage their kids and live their lives. And because I am pregnant, I am currently a complete sucker for any kind of change-of-heart, this has changed my life, our family will never be the same again scenario, which inevitably happens at the end of each show when the wives finally go back to their real families. I love it...I don't know.<br />
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7. Please join in praying for Dwija of <a href="http://http://www.houseunseen.com/2013/06/update-after-todays-ultrasound.html">House Unseen </a> who is 15 weeks pregnant with her sixth baby and having serious complications. This family and that sweet little one need a miracle. And pray also for the doctor who suggested that she terminate the pregnancy. <br />
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Happy Friday, peace and prayers, and go visit <a href="http://conversiondiary.com">Jen </a> for more quick takes!!Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-34974563060041890562013-06-04T13:17:00.002-07:002013-06-04T13:17:24.059-07:00I'm a stay at home mom and...As of May 30th, my son's first birthday, I have officially been a stay at home mom for one year. It seems surreal to think that I haven't held a paid job since I was 8 months pregnant with Tommy, and I have to admit, I hated that job so much that I just left and I never looked back. I've only held two jobs, both of them temporary, since I graduated college in 2010. When I graduated I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, other than marry Patrick and eventually have babies. I had no career aspirations. It seems utterly depressing to say that I didn't have dreams, because everyone does. But for the entirety of my college career, even in the midst of studying my tush off to get a degree in both Theology and Psychology, any career goals or even career <i>ideas </i> that I had were no more than fleeting, passing thoughts, none of which I was ever even remotely attached to. I really don't know anyone else who had that experience in college. Don't get me wrong, I was no slacker. I worked hard in college. But I have always been a "school" person. The good grades, and the knowledge were my goal, and I never saw much past that. Of course, now I am so blessed to be living my vocation, to be wife to a wonderful, and might I say, incredibly handsome man. I am the mother to a hilarious and adorable one year old, and we're due to bring number 2 into the world this coming December. God is good, and life is great. But for some reason lately, I've been feeling a lot of pressure to be able to say "I'm a stay at home mom and....(insert something here)." <br />
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Before I go any further, let me say that I am 100% positive that all of this pressure I feel is coming exclusively from me. I've never been in a situation where I told someone I was a stay at home mom and they said "Yeah? What else do you do?" But I feel like I know so many moms who have something to add to the end of that sentence, and I find myself feeling jealous. And then embarrassed. What kind of mom am I that I feel the need to be doing something other than devoting 100% of my time and energy to my child? That probably makes me human. What kind of mom am I that I wish I had something else, something that interests me, to fill some of my time, to help me feel fulfilled? Probably completely normal. Life is about balance after all. No one ever said that when you had kids you had to throw all of your interests and aspirations out the window. Obviously I know that being Pat's wife, and raising these kids are among the most important things I will ever do, the purpose of my life. But I can't ignore, or be embarrassed about the fact that God created me a whole person. <br />
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There are probably people out there that would say "How could you want anything else?" I get that. I know I am blessed. But I'm not saying that being a wife and a mom isn't enough. I'm just saying I wish I had a way to incorporate other pieces of who I am into those roles. I want my kids to grow up seeing how much I love their dad, knowing how much I love them, but also seeing me pursue and enjoy doing things that enrich me as a person and that add a little something good to the world around me. I have no desire at all to re enter the work force anytime soon, and believe me-I know how blessed I am to get to stay at home with my kids. I guess what I want to say is that I'm struggling right now to find ways that I can use the gifts God has given me. <br />
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In high school and college I was a songwriter and a singer. I'm slowly coming to realize just what a big part of my life and my heart that was. I want my kids to know that about me. I want them to hear me sing, to know that I write, and to learn by example that it's a great thing to have a creative outlet. I know that music is a gift that God has given me, for what reasons I don't know, but I've barely touched a guitar or written a line since I got married (there's no correlation there, life just happened). I don't think I'll be pursuing any music ministry opportunities any time soon (it won't be too long before my belly is too big for me to strap on the old gee-tar), but maybe someday. I know I haven't been a mom for long, and maybe this kind of balance is just something that has to be learned, that comes with time. And don't think that I don't know that this is also a pride issue for me. But it's something I'm working on, and something I will continue to pray and think about. I know that ultimately opportunities to use our talents are gifts from God, and until one comes a long I will continue to do what I've always planned on doing- being the best wife and mom that I can be, even though I will inevitably fail over and over again, and asking the Lord what he wants to do with me, and then do it. <br />
Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-69798897117195145132013-06-04T07:54:00.000-07:002013-06-04T07:54:22.901-07:00Weird toddler stages, bridesmaids, babies and new houses It's been about eight years since I blogged. It's actually been about a month but it feels longer.<br />
Pregnancy was pretty effectively kicking my butt on the daily until just recently, when it started to just kick it in moderation, so I'm feeling a little bit better. Still eating for five, but not as nauseous as I was, and not as tired. <br />
Since I wrote last, Tommy tuned ONE, which blew my mind a little bit. A one year old! I saw another one year old recently, and I thought...Is my son really that old? Does he really look that big? He does! He's growing up before my eyes. Sometime soon I will try to do what I hardly ever do, and post some photos.<br />
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I have to admit something though. This is a challenging age for me. I love having a baby, and I love that Tommy is one. He is all over the place, exploring, and I have a blast with him but I'm also having a rough time too. There are days when I can't seem to think of a single thing to do with him, except the same old, same...old...things that we always do. We play with the same toy over and over, we take walks, of course a big part of our day is spent feeding and taking naps, but when it comes to those hours before the naps that are allotted for play time sometimes I am at a loss. Every once in a while I try to do something new and fun like finger painting or some other such new activity, but I have to say my attempts haven't been super successful. I think there are a few issues at play here: <br />
1. He's still a baby. Rice/bean filled sensory box? Play dough? Crayons? Nope. He's still obsessed with eating everything, including but not limited to clods of dirt, dust bunnies and cat food. There's a lot he can do, and he's always into something new, but there are also things that he just can't do yet, and that's ok.<br />
2. The pressure. I'm putting way too much pressure on myself. First of all, I vacillate between being super "woe is me" about this pregnancy and how tired I am, and feeling like "well the baby isn't here yet, why am I still sitting on my butt?" I need to stay away from pinterest and/or any blog written by a mom who used to work in early childhood education and is constantly posting new and exciting baby/toddler activities. It's just too much, and I think I need to give myself an emotional break and just know that he IS learning, he IS growing and healthy, and we're gonna get through this weird stage and be ok. Because this in-between-baby-but-not-quite-yet-a-toddler thing is just that...a stage. <br />
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On another note, I survived bachelorette party number one, and am gearing up for number two this coming weekend, but let me tell you something. Since becoming a mom, and then a pregnant mom, I just do not have the stamina required to go out to the bars until 2 am. I am still recovering. But it was fun! I couldn't possibly be any happier for these two girls who have been my friends since I was five years old. For both of them to have found such great, kind men is such a blessing. I am so happy to be able to celebrate with them and be a part of all the wedding festivities. I AM a little nervous about the dresses. Luckily, the first wedding is only a few weeks away, and I have two dresses to choose from, so if one doesn't work I can always do the other. BUT, I have gained what probably is now about 7 ish lbs, and I'm looking more like 5 months pregnant than just three. I have absolutely no idea what the belly will look like at 20 weeks when this second wedding rolls around. That dress I ordered about 8 months ago...it's gonna get interesting people. <br />
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On a final note, I have been thinking A LOT about the future lately (obviously) and contemplating the idea of being pregnant for the second time before we even hit our two year anniversary. I am EXCITED (and TERRIFIED) about baby number two, and am so blessed that our family and friends are so supportive. I have had not one "So soon?!" comment, and I really thought that was gonna be a common occurrence. But everyone is so excited. My husband very aptly commented the other day that we have never really done anything gradually, and that is very true of how our marriage has gone so far. Because we are also moving again, for the third time in two years. Pat's parents have very generously purchased a house that we are going to be renting from them for the next year (and maybe eventually buying from them), and I have to say I don't even know what to do with myself at the thought of living in an actual house. Shallow as it is, I am so looking forward do doing things like painting, and hanging things on walls, and decorating a nursery instead of Pat and I looking at each other and saying, "Is it even worth it to make it look like we live here." I can't wait to bring home baby number two to a place where we will actually continue to live for more than week before moving. So many things are changing, and while I am usually dreading changes, I am really looking forward to these. <br />
Bring on the madness!<br />
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This was not the most exciting post I've ever written, and I have a lot of things rolling around in my brain, so hopefully this is the beginning of me jumping back on the blogging train. <br />
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For now, Adios. Off to enjoy the rest of naptime by either showering, or eating. Probably eating. As always. <br />
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Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-43503047373665184342013-04-26T18:05:00.001-07:002013-04-26T18:07:55.644-07:007 quick takes, vol. 5, baby edition 1. I have news. And it's not public yet, but here goes: Baby number two is on the way!! I'll be honest, our immediate families know, and a large handful of friends know, but it hasn't otherwise been "made public." But, seeing as we are seven weeks along, I don't feel like trying to avoid the topic in my blog for the next month and a half until the first trimester is over. In fact, even though with Tommy we told virtually no one until the 12 week mark, I'm feeling like I don't think that's necessary anymore. Am I nervous for the baby's health and hoping and praying every day that the baby is safe and thriving? Yes. But if God has other plans, then at least we have family and friends who can support and love us. <br />
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2. Can you tell I've been dying to write about this? It's so hard keeping something like this a secret. Now that I got that #1 ramble out, I have to say this- we are so excited for this baby. I am thrilled that Tommy and baby number two will only be 18 months apart. I love the idea that when they look back on being kids they will most likely only have memories that include the other. I think that's so neat, and I can't wait to see who this little person ends up being.<br />
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3. Nausea. Nausea is my constant companion, just like with Tommy. No puking. Just nausea. And weird food aversions. So far I've found myself feeling icky at the thought/sight/smell of almond butter, which is a shame, and this morning it was coffee. If you know me you know that mornings=coffee, so after making a pot this morning and being totally put off by it, I was pretty sad. The problem with the nausea is that I don't want to eat, but only eating makes it better, and 9 times out of 10 the foods that help are foods that I probably shouldn't be eating. But I will do pretty much anything to not feel this nauseous anymore, so I am just praying it will only stick around a few more weeks.<br />
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4. I had forgotten how real the fatigue is when you are pregnant. A big part of me is afraid that the people around me, mostly Pat, think I'm faking being so worn out. But about 75% of my days the last week or so seem like they've been spent just sitting on the couch watching Tommy play with his toys. I feel bad, and I really hope my energy levels bounce back because right now I just feel like a lazy bum.<br />
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5. We went to the doctor on Tuesday and got to have an ultrasound. With Tommy, we didn't have one until we were much further along, so I had no idea what to expect, and didn't know that we would be able to see and hear the heartbeat so soon. It was amazing, and totally confirmed for me that this is really happening.<br />
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6. Funny story about the ultrasound- Obviously right now the baby is about the size of a pea. Tiny. I took a photo of the ultrasound picture and sent it to my mom. Basically it looks like a large black dot with a few small white dots in the center. The white dots are the baby. This was the conversation that ensued:<br />
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Mom- "Is that the baby's back?"<br />
Me- "No, the dot is the baby."<br />
Mom- "The black dot?"<br />
Me- "No, the little white dots in the middle of the black dot. The baby is only half a centimeter long."<br />
Mom- "What are the little white dots?"<br />
Me- "That's the baby."<br />
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I'm still not sure she quite understood what she was looking at, and it really made me laugh. <br />
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7. This blog is a tad sad in that I have no fun pregnancy announcement, no ultrasound photo to share or picture of the (already?!?!) baby bump that I swear I am getting. I just needed to get it out that I am carrying a little life inside, and it is filling me with joy all the time (and nausea...and intense fatigue...but mostly joy). I'm trying not to be afraid because I know that this life is already, has always been, and always will be in God's hands. So here's to giving Tommy a little brother or sister, and here's to being able to write about it in my blog if I feel like it. :)<br />
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It only seems appropriate to direct you now to the <a href="http://conversiondiary.com">founder of the quick takes</a>, who just brought home her precious little one from the NICU. Praise God! Happy Friday!<br />
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(p.s. if anyone who calls me friend happens upon this post and doesn't yet know the news, I'm sorry! We will hopefully be letting more people in on it soon, but until then are trying to keep it on the DL...I guess that's kind of ironic since I just shared it on the internet, but oh well. If you are just stumbling across my blog and I don't know you, thanks for reading.)Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-80833077619859158392013-04-16T17:55:00.000-07:002013-04-16T17:55:09.589-07:00There's always something I tend to over analyze. I am really good at it. I'm actually starting to wonder why no one has offered to pay me yet, because I'm that good. But even though most days it seems like I might actually be certifiably crazy, every now and then I have a moment of clarity, and today I had one. <br />
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I've been AGONIZING a whole lot lately about the state of Tommy's naps, and going over and over in my head what I am doing wrong, what I could be doing differently, and whether or not it will always be like this. I've been manically texting my mom who probably thinks I'm having a nervous breakdown. And then it dawned on me... I was doing this exact same thing a few days ago about something entirely different. <br />
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Don't get it twisted...I'm not nuts like this all day long, I'm just really tired at the moment. But I realized that if it wasn't this, it would be something else...and with a baby there will <i>always</i> be something. <br />
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Every day for them is new. They are constantly learning, and changing, and growing and it must be scary to always be experiencing things for what might seem like the first time. It's insane for me to expect him to "get his act together" and then stay the same and stop changing so fast! I don't actually want him to stop changing, because I love watching him grow and learn new things. It's so thrilling to watch him do something for the first time, and to see him find joy so easily in the things around him. But part of experiencing this right along with him is being able to roll with the punches when his routine, or preferences or behaviors suddenly change. <br />
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My mom says "babies are in a constant state of flux." It's so true. So you have to appreciate the little things when they do happen. You have to just appreciate the good nights sleep that you got, because tonight he might be up all night sprouting a new tooth. You just never know.<br />
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I don't think I'm the only parent out there who over analyzes everything. In fact I know I'm not. In some ways its really unfortunate that we live in a world where information is so readily available, because as parents we are inundated with information about developmental milestones, and are overloaded with other people's opinions of what your baby 'should' be doing at a certain age etc. It's so easy so stress that your baby is behind the curve, or not doing as well as someone elses baby. But these babies are little people! Little individuals with their own budding ideas about life and the world around them. One is so different from the next. <br />
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So tonight I am rejoicing and praying lots of prayers of thanksgiving for the wonderful little man that God gave me. So quick to smile and laugh, energetic and funny, full of life. Today is nearly over, and God willing we will all get a good night of rest. But tomorrow is a new day, and who knows what will happen? I'm hoping as time goes on I'll be able to stop putting so much pressure on myself, and on Tom, and just be able to enjoy this wonderful life we have, with a little less stressing, and a lot more going with the flow. Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-33673834515499850112013-04-12T12:27:00.001-07:002013-04-12T12:52:39.788-07:007 Quick Takes, Vol. 41. I swear, this blog might as well become completely dedicated to Tom's sleep habits, but we are experiencing a major regression over here. As in, wakes up in the middle of the night and has to go sleep with Pat on the couch because nothing can tempt him to go back to bed. Refusing naps and needing to be rocked to sleep for 89 hours before I can finally put him down. As we speak I am typing this while I listen to him alternate between babbling and yelling in the next room...but here's the deal: it's nap time.<br />
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2. I've mentioned before my two closest girls are getting married this summer. The first wedding is in two and a half months. And we don't have bridesmaids dresses yet. Love this girl, but I'm getting a tad nervous!<br />
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3. It's been seventeen minutes of not sleeping with no end in sight...<br />
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4. Yesterday some of our mission partners (i.e. people who give us money every month so we can eat) had us over for lunch. It was so nice. This couple really exemplifies the meaning of hospitality and I desire to be more like them. Their home is so welcoming and they are so focused on you that you just feel so relaxed and cherished. very cool.<br />
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5. In other wedding news, I need to plan a bridal shower for another wedding in which I am the maid of honor, and I really want it to be themed. Pinterest is a dangerous place, because I think my ideas are getting a little too big, but here are my ideas for themes so far: Chevron (bride loves chevron everything), vintage shabby chic (a la the tone of her wedding), or something southern themed as her fam is from New Orleans. I'm pretty excited to get to planning, but I have also never planned anything like this so... hopefully it doesn't end up being theme-less and boring. <br />
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6. It's almost guaranteed that Tom is standing in his crib facing the doorway right now waiting for me to come in. 22 minutes...<br />
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7. My heart is breaking over this Kermit Gosnell case. If you haven't heard about it, everyone should be aware of the atrocities that are occurring out there. Unfortunately, this is where our world is at right now. Support life. Defend life. Cherish life. The end. <br />
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And just so I don't have to end on such a heinous last take: <br />
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BONUS TAKE: Congratulations to <a href="http://conversiondiary.com">Jen</a> on the birth of her new little miracle! Praying for her recovery and for the health of that precious little guy. <br />
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Hop over to <a href="http://camppatton.com">Camp Patton </a> where Grace is hosting the takes in Jen's place this week. Happy Friday!<br />
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Totally unnecessary UPDATE: I predictably caved and went in and rocked him to sleep at the half hour mark. Anyone have any anecdotes/advice/commiseration/ideas they'd like to share regarding baby sleep? <br />
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Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-19991471316918037372013-04-05T09:15:00.002-07:002013-04-05T09:15:21.251-07:007 Quick Takes, Vol. 31. Sick babies are no fun. Tommy has had a viral cough and an excessively runny and snotty nose, about which I can do absolutely nothing. I feel terrible for him. Perhaps the worst part is that he has a tendency to sneeze out copious amounts of snot and then suck said snot into his mouth. It's disgusting.<br />
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2. Speaking of sick babies, Co-sleeping is not my friend. Last night was the first night in almost a week that Tommy has slept in his own bed. It was glorious. When I was just a new mama, and Tommy was a newborn I read too much information on co-sleeping, a la Dr. Sears and others, who like to make it sound like you are banishing your baby to spend a lonely, secluded night in a cage where no one will respond to their cries if you decide to use a crib, in a nursery instead of co sleep. I felt terrible for a while about the crib/nursery thing until I realized that with Tommy sleeping in our bed, one of us had to sleep on the couch, because there was no room (Patrick), and the other one of us hardly slept at all. It's important for mama and daddy to get some sleep too, so I got over it. What I'm trying to say is bravo to all of you that co sleep because I just can't do it. I want my bed back. <br />
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3. This week has been long, but awesome because we've gotten to/will be getting to see a few friends that we haven't seen in a while. Holly flew in from Denver, and early yesterday morning Tom and I went and had IHOP with her for breakfast, during which Tom not so sneakily snuck his hand onto her plate and stole blueberries, which was pretty cute. Today, in about an hour, a friend from College, John, who we haven't seen since our wedding is coming for lunch. It's great to catch up with old friends! <br />
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4. Crossfit is going SO well. Even though during most of the workouts (allright, I've only been to three actual classes so far, but still) I have a moment where I think "OMG." I really am loving it, and I think its good for me for a lot of reasons. I get some much needed time to myself, to do something to make myself better, I've found something that is challenging and that I actually enjoy doing in the exercise department, which I thought would never happen, and I'm making some new friends. <br />
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5. Speaking of new friends, and Crossfit, there's a girl in my class who has a ten year old. Yesterday during our warmup, we were supposed to be jumping rope. She came over to me and said "you've had a baby right? Ok, so you know why I can't jump rope." We bonded over the fact that our bodies (read: bladder control) have not returned to their pre-baby glory in certain areas, and got permission from Jim to sit out jump roping from now on if we need to. Good times! Nothing like your brother-in-law knowing that jumping rope makes you pee your pants.<br />
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6. I am running out of quick takes, so I asked my husband if he had anything to contribute. His contribution: Did you mention that we are having a seven pound rump roast for dinner tomorrow night? <br />
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7. Wedding season is about to be upon us starting in a few weeks. Two of my closest girls, both of whom I've known since pre school are getting married, one in June, and the other in July, less than a month later. Bring on the showers, bachelorette parties, bridesmaids dresses and so much fun! I am really excited, and thrilled for both of them. They've both snagged wonderful guys and I can't wait to be a witness on their big days. <br />
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Not the most exciting seven takes every, but for more, visit <a href="http://conversiondiary.com">Jen</a>! Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-13322570989660325922013-04-02T13:41:00.001-07:002013-04-02T13:46:36.412-07:0010 Months Old 2 posts in one day? Lame. Obviously I am making great use of Tommy's naptime. <br />
I've complained before about how when Tommy was born I wish I had had the foresight to do monthly photos and updates that I could look back on, for his first year. Well, I didn't but so much has happened so quickly, even in just the last week, so I thought I should document his current 10-month-old happenings just for fun. (I am totally stealing the format from another mommy I know that actually DID monthly updates) <br />
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Size: at 10 months, he is 22 lbs 8 oz and 30 inches long, aka HUGE. He is wearing mostly 18 month clothes, with a lingering pair of 9-12 month pants here and there. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaFtNTkKKZihnCK4Xz2MLT-Q0M7PNAA0QQGoKVAXshu9os_dDGLz87l7alu92Zezychr8n0RpcT1MrEJOefcf4JoYvqsW-egLY7Cnu7ExFtzsqhuSIx6GR1gI4Dyxy8XFm8XTMQtlaNo4/s1600/Tommy+red+jammies+.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaFtNTkKKZihnCK4Xz2MLT-Q0M7PNAA0QQGoKVAXshu9os_dDGLz87l7alu92Zezychr8n0RpcT1MrEJOefcf4JoYvqsW-egLY7Cnu7ExFtzsqhuSIx6GR1gI4Dyxy8XFm8XTMQtlaNo4/s320/Tommy+red+jammies+.jpg" /></a><br />
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Sleep: Well, after many months we decided to do a little <a href="http://http://ihavefoundtheparadox.blogspot.com/2013/03/mommys-judging-mommys.html">cry it out </a> action to see if that would help the boy sleep. While I hated it, Tommy is actually pretty good at it, and I don't think he ever cried for more than about ten minutes before falling asleep. For a few weeks there he was doing a solid 9-11 hour straight at night without waking up. Currently, he has a virus, and a cough keeping him up at night, and is sprouting two new teeth, but I am hoping and praying once that passes we will go back to sleeping again. HOWEVER, he did recently learn how to stand up in his crib, which I believe means that he won't be putting himself to sleep again anytime soon, until he can figure out how to get back DOWN once he gets UP. It's getting interesting. For the moment, we are taking about ten steps back, and rocking him to sleep, but fortunately he is still taking about 3 hours worth of naps a day, one nap in the morning and one in the afternoon, at roughly 10 ish and 2 ish. <br />
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Eating: everything he can get his little hands on. We did some purees for a while, but he has been eating pretty much just finger foods/things he can feed himself for about two months now. He loves to feed himself, and it seems to me like he will eat anything I put in front of him. He has 4 teeth, and two more sprouting, so he chews pretty well. I don't think we've actually fed him anything with a spoon for a while, but every once in a while he will let me feed him yogurt, oatmeal or applesuace, all of which he loves, or he can feed himself using <a href="http://http://squooshi.com/">these</a>, which I really like. Being the thrifty person that I am (eh? not really) we've been able to get by without buying any baby food, which is awesome, because its been a lot cheaper feeding him whatever we have here. Likes: chicken, peas, any kind of fruit, peanut butter toast, cheese, asparagus, and bananas....the list goes on. He is a vacuum. He is also still nursing about 5 ish times a day (still roughly every three hours). No wonder he is huge. <br />
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Likes/Activity: He didn't start crawling until about a month ago, and even then it was just a sort of army/frog/worm crawl. As of about a week ago he is actually crawling on his knees, but he still does about half and half. If he's really after something he knows he can go faster on his belly, so he does that. He also just started pulling up on anything and everything, and likes to cruise the furniture. He claps all day long, just learned to wave not too long ago, and does pretty well sitting and playing with his toys. He really likes books (favorite: I love you through and through), and I think the cutest thing is watching him just sit and look at the pictures. His favorite toys are probably all of the different balls we have. He will do anything to gain access to a remote or a cell phone. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6-qfRihgg8bgh6nbjuj42Ncp-GWUx5CxKBqBL4oPSUn6RDo2Zt-B2Bpjfy-9stxqAOXVSRGtSfMiIJkz6MYDecWrpZU8aATpN_3YE5UzO67i229ZtGQ4X55a2VbchDBGU7LqI30jN7bo/s1600/Tommy+reading+.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6-qfRihgg8bgh6nbjuj42Ncp-GWUx5CxKBqBL4oPSUn6RDo2Zt-B2Bpjfy-9stxqAOXVSRGtSfMiIJkz6MYDecWrpZU8aATpN_3YE5UzO67i229ZtGQ4X55a2VbchDBGU7LqI30jN7bo/s320/Tommy+reading+.jpg" /></a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTbolK8s2fjJToup8yhU4vMX4se1cCwhe8iO8zVIXErQvzWPgZ0EDbz9lomjWglEdLM9JwEisbbob7IHD8qBjdRuvweIBPQ61B0kwZMxAXjvG_sARi3eIlNKVORC-ti83-JuL5fDVkCH4/s1600/Tommy+playing+.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTbolK8s2fjJToup8yhU4vMX4se1cCwhe8iO8zVIXErQvzWPgZ0EDbz9lomjWglEdLM9JwEisbbob7IHD8qBjdRuvweIBPQ61B0kwZMxAXjvG_sARi3eIlNKVORC-ti83-JuL5fDVkCH4/s320/Tommy+playing+.jpg" /></a><br />
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Dislikes: laying still for more than a second. Getting his diaper changed. Waiting too long for me to put food on his tray. I'm not trying to brag, but he is really a very happy baby and seems to love life! <br />
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Basically, he is super curious, and all boy, and hes getting big way too fast. Love him! <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzGkKL2ZR6irvGfaIo8PxXM0CuGE8yWCa2F6Uxs5s3sT4SXQDF5DRwYZiiKd9Moi2p7ivX4PtGBtlgRzSJnflOXg8Vv0qSRgtGAYmJCQzdBYqJaolQchHuFfvbnUbC8iY8RVVv9mz8fcY/s1600/Tom+and+Mom+.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzGkKL2ZR6irvGfaIo8PxXM0CuGE8yWCa2F6Uxs5s3sT4SXQDF5DRwYZiiKd9Moi2p7ivX4PtGBtlgRzSJnflOXg8Vv0qSRgtGAYmJCQzdBYqJaolQchHuFfvbnUbC8iY8RVVv9mz8fcY/s320/Tom+and+Mom+.jpg" /></a><br />
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Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-59366502858149854912013-04-02T09:28:00.001-07:002013-04-02T09:35:31.637-07:00Baby Fever So a blogger that I have been following since I first found out I was pregnant with Tommy wrote a really awesome post recently. She just found out she is expecting her second little one, and <a href="http://http://cokercola.blogspot.com/2013/03/a-few-thoughts-on-pregnancy.html">this post </a> just touched my heart. I think it's safe to say that this is one of those bloggers that I feel like I know because she has such a sweet heart, but also because I've been stalking her for a while (embarrassing) and eating up pretty much every post she writes about her family. <br />
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Anyway, Tommy is ten whole months old, and my period came back about three months ago. So far I've had two, and it doesnt seem to be getting regular at all, because it's been about a month and a half since my last one, and I also skipped one in there somewhere. It bears noting that I am still breastfeeding A LOT, so I understand the mechanics of everything, but good grief...I hate seeing that negative pregnancy test. <br />
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I loved Lindseys' post because she hit the nail on the head when it comes to how I'm feeling. We got pregnant so fast the first time, and we would be ecstatic to be pregnant again soon. Every time I take a test, we are both hoping for a positive. There is just something about having a baby that makes you want another one, and I feel ready. But I know that it's not my feelings, or my desires, but God's will that rules the day around here, so I have to be patient, and be ok with the fact that its not the right time yet. <br />
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I have to admit to feeling guilty for wanting another baby so soon. I am more than well aware that there are people out there who want a baby more than anything and can't have one. So, like Lindsey, I feel like I have to be really careful and sensitive about how vocal I am about wanting to grow our family. So far, the only two people that know that this desire is there are me and my husband. But when love is real, it begs to be multiplied, and I am so looking forward to having another little one to love, and giving Tommy a sibling. I don't want to presume that I know God's will, and I know that there are families out there that really struggle with fertility issues even after having other children. But my heart hopes.<br />
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I know this is a little wordy, but I wanted to put it out there that family life is such a blessing. It's really not viewed that way in our world today much is it? <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV7WGUlGqui3A2MeWsv_UQtvPeg25aB56zjj8_AB4hthC9rS4TynWD12CIrYolBoKAarF4-8Tlb0C6ZY5eaEdmZ92WU_-3_te4GzzapeS_Jd-IMqWmsNG1tCVM7dhf90ZAM_qs4w_q-o4/s1600/JP2.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV7WGUlGqui3A2MeWsv_UQtvPeg25aB56zjj8_AB4hthC9rS4TynWD12CIrYolBoKAarF4-8Tlb0C6ZY5eaEdmZ92WU_-3_te4GzzapeS_Jd-IMqWmsNG1tCVM7dhf90ZAM_qs4w_q-o4/s320/JP2.jpg" /></a><br />
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It's such a big, awesome, scary responsibility, but I can't think of anything better, or anything that I would rather devote my life to. <br />
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For now, waiting patiently...(or at least trying)<br />
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P.S. Just for fun, here is a picture from when I was pregnant with Tommy (If you know me, then it won't surprise you that I did not unveil a single pregnancy picture to ANYONE while I was cooking Tommy in my belly, but looking back now I can appreciate how amazing it is to be pregnant, and I think I'm mostly over my self consciousness about the big belly...maybe next time I won't be so un-fun!<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHqrrg5HJBJgPfNxYfoKHXRFfTubxKcU51uRGpFyNSkpiuExzsM9zF5xNtQYq3iIKDrllKfyrdxxlhAoHl5aUMjAy6F0qp9UdVHC2PCmE05BjeC78bjkvZ3VYRCejK44ioO96No6wHm30/s1600/IMG_8134.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHqrrg5HJBJgPfNxYfoKHXRFfTubxKcU51uRGpFyNSkpiuExzsM9zF5xNtQYq3iIKDrllKfyrdxxlhAoHl5aUMjAy6F0qp9UdVHC2PCmE05BjeC78bjkvZ3VYRCejK44ioO96No6wHm30/s320/IMG_8134.jpg" /></a>Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-46884405582628294762013-03-22T12:19:00.000-07:002013-03-22T12:19:11.501-07:007 Quick Takes, Vol. 3After not having blogged for a few days, I was excited to realize this morning that it was Friday, and I would have the wonderful excuse of doing 7 quick takes with <a href="http://conversiondiary.com">Jen at Conversion Diary</a><br />
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1. It won't be official for a few more hours, but Pat and I have decided to stay on FOCUS staff for another year. After praying about it for the past few weeks, and talking about it way too much we finally bit the bullet yesterday and made a decision, and I for one am feeling relieved that we can start living life again instead of just thinking about what we are going to be doing for the next year. I know that Patrick is so looking forward to starting a career, but we both feel that staying and finishing out our commitment is where God is calling us now. I am looking forward to being a part of the community of FOCUS again, and hoping that in the coming year I will be able to involve myself a little more in the day to day goings on, now that Tom is getting a little older. <br />
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2. Speaking of Tom, we have now been letting him cry at nap and bed-times for a few weeks, and it seems to be working for him. It still makes me cringe and want to cry right along with him every time, but he never cries for more than a few minutes. BUT, today something so strange happened. I took him in his room at naptime, turned the light off and he IMMEDIATELY started WEEPING and screaming. It was terrible. In my mind I thought "oh gosh..he knows that its time and that I'm going to put him down and he is NOT happy about it." I rapidly texted to mom to let her know that this was NOT working, as he clearly has developed a deep fear of his bedroom at naptime. After ten minutes of holding and attempting to rock him while he wailed, I finally just put him down in his crib and walked out. He cried for maybe fifteen seconds, and was out like a light. Apparently he was not crying for me to keep holding him, but for me to put him down??!?! Who knows, but I couldn't believe it. <br />
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3. Last night was the last of the four introductory classes to Crossfit before we all get pushed out of the nest and into the real world of WOD's and lifting actual weights instead of just a long piece of PVC. I have REALLY enjoyed the beginning stages of Crossfit so much more than I thought I would, and I am experiencing some level of excitement to actually get started, among some lingering traces of terror. But, I feel hopeful for myself for once, and I am looking forward to being challenged and finding out what I can do. <br />
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4. Speaking of Crossfit, I know that a big part of getting fit and being healthy is changing your diet. I will say that I don't eat terribly, but there are just a few things that I think I am going to find impossible to cut out. For example, my reliance on yogurt as its own food group is going to be a hard transition for me, and one that I am not sure I will even try to make. Same goes for getting rid of grains...I know this is a doozy and probably one of the most important things that anyone who eats paleo will tell you. For the moment I am using the excuse that I am nursing a very hungry almost-ten month old as my justification for eating toast and bagels almost every morning because I am JUST SO HUNGRY all the time. Which is true. But eventually I hope to be able to start cutting some of the grains out of my diet...we'll see how that goes. <br />
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5. Tommy is almost 10 months old. I really cannot believe that that much time has passed since he was born. I wish that I had the creativity and discipline to do what many of my favorite mommy-bloggers have done and track each month of his first year with photos, stats, and milestones to remember these fleeting months by. Unfortunately, I didn't and its a little late to start now, but I am doing my best to take lots of photos and soak in everything new. Some of the newest, and cutest developments are: Starting to wave, eating ever-y-thing that I put in front of him, still rocking the army crawl, and today while he was eating some grapes for breakfast I discovered that if I lean in and open my mouth, he will feed me a grape too, and he thinks its hysterical! Not the most comprehensive list, but I have a headache. Bottom line...he is growing UP TOO FAST. I love him. <br />
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6. The beginning of April signals the beginning of a very hectic time in our lives, one that I am looking forward to and dreading all at the same time because of the sheer logistical nightmare it is most likely going to be for our family. Over the course of the next 4 ish months, I will be attending at least two wedding showers, two bachelorette parties, a first birthday party for Tommy stuck somewhere in there, and will be a bridesmaid in the weddings of my two best friends, a month apart, as well as singing in one of them. For us this means back and forth, back and forth, back and forth from Kansas City to St. Louis, and I'm very excited, but I have no idea how we are going to make so much traveling happen. <br />
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7. I don't have anything more to say about me and mine, so here is a link to a <a href="http://http://www.piercedhands.com/hes-just-the-pope/#">pretty incredible article</a> about the Pope and how he is Catholic. Seems obvious, but I think this article really brings to light what I find to be one of the most amazing and comforting things about the Catholic Church- She is unwavering in her teaching, and that sets her apart from all the rest. <br />
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Happy Friday!! Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8011748711193721353.post-44794213935693378262013-03-18T09:02:00.000-07:002013-03-18T09:02:54.732-07:00Where are we going? I have no idea Only a few more days until we have to make our final decision about whether or not we are going to stay with FOCUS another year or move on to something new. Our decision was originally supposed to be made by tomorrow, but we were able to get an extension of a couple of days so that Pat could seek some guidance from his spiritual director. <br />
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Speaking of Father Jim, he happened to be in Rome this past week during the conclave and election of our new Papa, and he sent Pat a text message saying that he offered up Mass for us at St. Mary Major on Friday morning. Pretty awesome!!!<br />
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Discernment is hard. Sometimes God makes things very clear, and sometimes he stays silent. I do believe that sometimes the silence means that He wants us to make the decision that we think is best. It's like marriage...ultimately at the end of the day we just have to make a choice that THIS is the person we are going to love, through thick and thin. This isn't our first rodeo in terms of making a big life decision that could potentially send us somewhere new. We went through this last year too. These kinds of decisions require so much prayer, together and separately, and a lot of conversation. I think it pleases God when we come together as a couple to really discuss and pray about where He is leading us. <br />
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I do think that either way, He will bless us in a big way. I KNOW that no matter what we decide, we will still be relying on God to provide for what we need. I think I've mentioned this before, but we are going to have to make this choice without knowing what other options there are on the table for us. I think that this is just the way that God wants it to be. <br />
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He wants us to make a decision without being able to see what's around the next corner. He wants us just to trust. Difficult? Yes. But I'm not scared. Being in a vulnerable place as a family, and having to just trust that God will take care of us has been a constant state of being for our family for the last year and a half. I know for a fact that God won't be abandoning us anytime soon. <br />
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So, with all of that being said, I guess we should all stay tuned for what God has planned. I sure don't know what it is, but it's bound to be good. :)Melissa Caskey http://www.blogger.com/profile/08188931380824724506noreply@blogger.com2